I have noticed a definite pattern to our most serious R talks; the more serious and final they are, the closer H draws for a few days, then he swings back out to never-never land.
I have also figured out that most of H's small acts of kindness/helping me out are H's way of relieving his guilt that he has put me through 4 1/2 years of misery. I never understood why he started helping with the dishes, cleaning the bunny cage, etc., etc. while at the same time maintaining a tension filled space between us. But it dawned on me a couple of weeks ago that by helping me out in ways he had never done before he was easing his guilt. (I, personally, would rather he never help me with a single thing, ever again, and just return to my normal H ).
I had a very stress filled day with students today so was not in the best mood when BIL, H and nephew came home for supper. I know I was a grump at supper, but they knew I had a headache and just wanted some rest. After dishes the guys all went to Cabelas for awhile. H seem genuinely concerned that I would be OK while they were gone (guilt does make him nicer ).
I feel like my home has been grand central station with BIL here for the past week, now nephew for a couple of days, and I just found out the MIL is coming on Thurs. for a couple of days. I feel like I am walking a tight-rope.
There will be no company tomorrow night, just son and I. I am really not certain what I should do about H....invite him over for supper/evening or let him make the move if he wants to come over.
I am fully committed to going ahead with the D since H started up his A again. About the only comment he has made to having contact with her again is that the communication between them didn't start until he had made it perfectly clear to me that our M was over. I called him a liar and he did not take that very well (ya know, the Marine Corps officer and all). He didn't tell me that he for sure wanted a D until Aug., a date well after they started talking again. He did make a comment in passing that he had not seen ow, but would not answer any other questions. (According to the phone records HE let me copy they talk several thousand minutes a month, and that is only the records of when he calls her). To me, that is 100% an affair.
I am off one rollercoaster ride only to start my balancing act between pursuing a D and trying to maintain a semblance of goodwill between us.
). 
