Lettie, Raindeer, I knew what my limits were and H knew them also. There simply will not be an ow and me at the same time.
I met with my L today and gave him the D papers that H had drawn up 16 months that list irreconcilable differences as the grounds for D. L said to make sure H has current ones drawn up. Once I get the new ones I plan on counter-filing with papers charging adultery. By going the adultery route H will have to answer questions under oath about his sexual history while we were married. At least this way H will have to shoulder some of the blame.
D22 called last night to see how I was and we talked for over an hour. The kids do not know the reason that I have been unhappy for the past 3 years or why H has moved out. I made it very clear to her that although I insisted H move out, it was not what I wanted. Rather, it was the only choice I felt I had left.
In our talk she made the comment that if H had cheated on me that he had cheated on her mother as well as her brother and sisters. And, if that was the cause of so much pain for me, then she would hate him for it. There was such hate in her voice just thinking about it, yet I have given her no hints as to the cause of my M problems.(Now I realize H's fear of the kids knowing about the A).
The night before D18 called to check on me. Of course she wants to know the reason also. My conversation with her with rather troubling. She said that she knew H had not cheated on me because she just knew that I would have divorced him by now if he had.
I hope the kids will eventually realize that I have not been weak, but that it has taken a great deal of strength and conviction to fight for a M when the going gets rough. However, there is also a time to call it quits, and now is it.
Although H will not be back in town until Fri. night, I picked H's brother (BIL) up from the airport tonight for a week stay with me. BIL has no clue that H has moved out. I know I could tell him, but I think that is H's place.
I am really struggling with why I have not told anyone about H moving out or his apparent 4 1/2 year A. Part of it is embarrassement and shame of H doing this to me. I need to get over that, since it was NOT me who cheated. I think it was also partly me trying to protect H. I felt that if no one knew then that would make it easier for H to return home if he chose. I guess maybe that is why I still haven't spilt the beans. I am and will move forward with a D, but I know that I have still left the door open a crack just in case H gets hit by lightning and comes to his senses.
Quote: I think the final straw was your H not coming forth with the truth when confronted.
Lettie, you were right on the final straw; it was more important to H to protect ow than to tell me the truth. Dishonesty, skirting the truth, is not something I will tolerate any longer.
So yes, I did everything in my power to save my M, and yes, I did what was right for me...kick H out and agree to D. It hurts so bad, but at the same time a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel good about my decision.
