I really don't like starting new threads. For one, it taxes my computer knowledge to the max, and second, since I am still seeking advice and support it means I am still hanging on for dear life.
Recap: Married 25 years 4 kids (15 - 23) Heard the bomb over 2 years ago (33 months ago to be precise, but who is counting?? ) Found out about an ongoing 2 1/2 year A, 22 months ago (supposedly has stopped). H asked for D July 03, had papers drawn up, showed me the papers Aug. 04, but still has not filed them.
H now has his own place, moved out for 2 days in Aug. and has been home since. But, he continues to furnish his trailer and is slowly moving his stuff from our home to his trailer. 3 weeks ago I asked him to stop the slowly moving out business. If he is moving out, then do it in one shot, but that I could not handle just slowly seeing his stuff disappear from our house.
H honestly feels that he can have his cake and eat it also. Only, in this case, the cake is the kids. H sees no reason why, when he moves out, that we can't just go on like we have been. The only difference would be that he would be eating and sleeping elsewhere. Maybe that would be OK for someone else, but not for me.
I am hoping that H got a little taste of reality this week. H left on a business trip at early Sunday morning. Of course, he was the one who booked the flight before he had even checked if anything was going on with the kids and I. Too bad for him, but there are a ton of important things going on this week that H is missing, and realizes the importance of the events.
1. D18 came home Sat. night from Notre Dame for fall break. We hadn't seen her since the middle of Aug. She is leaving for school before H gets back. He got to see her a whole 10 minutes.
2. It was opening weekend for pheasant hunting. I was the one who got S15 his hunting license and took him hunting since H was gone.
3. Had a big birthday bash for my mom. 5 of us siblings, with families, were together and H enjoys H all of them. We even went back to our home church and H missed seeing so many old friends.
4. H missed S15 playing an opening act for Maynard Ferguson, a jazz legend.
5. S15 has both a vocal and band concert this week and H will miss those.
Unfortunately for H, he neither checked our calendar nor asked about activities before he made his plans. His loss, but I am sure enjoying myself.
H has told me he is moving out, I KNOW he is moving out, I just wish he would get it done on his own. I absolutely cringe when I am alone with him because I am just waiting for another bomb to drop. But, on one hand these bombs are almost becoming predictable. It seems there is a pattern to H's madness after all. When H does something nice for me (or what HE perceives to be nice FOR me), then I start wondering what bomb I will be hit with next. For example, a couple of weekends ago H all of a sudden decided that I needed new faucets, so we bought them and he installed them. Why it was ME that needed them I have no idea. Anyhow, it was the next day that he moved a bunch of his stuff out of our bedroom.
I wish someone would clue me in on H's thinking. H had our insurance agent over Sat. morning and upped his life insurance, with me as beneficiary. H said that he wanted to make sure that my half of his military retirement would be replaced if he died, and that I had enough money to cover the mortgage and pay the kid's college loans that he has co-signed for. I thought we had enough life insurance on H already, but we upped it $200,000 more. Why does he do things like that?????? Deep in my heart I don't seem to be able to accept the fact that although H seems to care for me deeply, that he could really go through with a D. But then again, I see H on a slow tract to D.
