Just some thoughts. I have struggled with W all my life (53 yrs young). My W is 105 lbs never gains W and is a great cook. At one point when i got 40 lbs. overweight my W said "you need to loose some weight Bub". I got mad,hurt, etc. especially since half the time she's trying to overfeed me.
Later on i realized she was right but not very supportive of me. I got up one day looked in the mirror and said i'm tired of looking at you like this marc, this has got to change.
I embarked on a 4 yr program to look like I did when i was 25 (at least in terms of muscle and fat). I'm not there yet but i'm almost to a 31 belt size.
I realized two things and they are that to truly love myself i have to accept all the good and bad things about me and even love them. But i'm determined not to let the bad things determine what i do, but the good things.
Once i realized this, then i could look at the issue in terms of extra weight and reduced S pleasure,difficulty moving , health issues, etc.
you deserve to love yourself; for kids grow up and move away, H die or leave, but even if you live alone and homeless under a bridge one person will still love you unconditionally: you.
I think you need to give your H tough love; if he says something mean try not to take it personally but call him on it. if he won't stop go to another room in the house. If you want to excercise, work up a plan and tell him as your H you expect him to support you (babysitting,cooking for kids,etc). If he says he doesn't know how, tell him he's an adult and you'll happy to teach him how.
I know i've talked a lot i tend to be wordy and my wife says i'm preachy so i hope i didn't offend you.
First I'm going to give you the opportunity to clarify what you see "overweight" as. And tell you that I am a woman who has battled with my weight my ENTIRE life.
I currently need to lose 30lbs, cook healthy food, don't over eat, and exercise 4-5 times a week; I've also been an athlete as long as I can remember (played soccer 25 years - Sweeper). Hopefully I'm blowing your assumption about overweight people to smithereens!
One thing I've observed the last 20 or so years of my life is that stress plays a HUGE factor in my weight gain. My eating habits don't change drastically, when I'm stressed I even exercise more to work it out....nothing makes much difference...I still don't lose the weight...I continue to gain. What works? Removing the stressor. Almost 20 years ago I divorced an alcoholic...gained 40 lbs before I finally left. Within just a couple of months I weighed less than I ever had before. Didn't eat less, didn't exercise more...but I felt better about myself because I removed myself from an unhealthy situation. As a result my self-esteem came back and the weight dropped off. I swear! I did nothing else differently. I've also had this happen another time since then while I was single, twice actually. Both times I had very stressful events happening in my life.
Now don't get me wrong...I know there are people out there who do over eat and don't exercise....but do some of us a favor would you? Don't jump to the conclusion that all overweight people do that.
Once again...I feel that I rambled...I hope some of this made some sense.
Jenny, I think you should get your fat girlssss revenge by telling your H that, in light of your newly toned body, you would appreciate it if he'd drag his skinny arse to the gym and tone up himself.
Here is an off topic question for you: Does your H do anything to make himself attractive to you?
I often feel that my H, while he does not try to be UNattractive to me, does nothing to make himself look attractive to me. He has become increasingly skinny over the years with no attempts to do anything about it--even when I have offered do support him however I can. I bought him a weight bench for Xmas last year and he kept the bench but took the weights back! Fat lot of good a bench with no weight will do ya. Also, I have asked him to wear cologne occasionally. He wore it religiously when we dated and I love good smelling men. He wears it maybe twice a year nowadays and certainly not enough to even merit shelf space in the bathroom for the bottle that is almost full, five years after purchase.
I want him to realize that my desire for him is not a bottomless well, you know? It does have a bottom and we will eventually reach it, unless he occasionally decides to chuck some additional water in it for a refill.
Quote: I think you should get your fat girlssss revenge by telling your H that, in light of your newly toned body, you would appreciate it if he'd drag his skinny arse to the gym and tone up himself.
LOL. My H was as skinny as a POW when we married, so I don't really have any complaints about how he looks now. I do think he looks sexier when he grows his sideburns out Easy Rider style but I don't think growing hair is a fair trade for losing weight (LOL). I do wish he would exercise because I think it would improve his overall mood if not his physique.
To give him credit, I actually do think he would freak out if he gained too much weight himself. I'm more happy-go-lucky about my body image than he is because he cares more about what other people think and I am so absent-minded that I don't pay much attention to what I look like much of the time. Since my sex drive is largely fantasy driven, I am pretty unpicky about what my sexual partner looks like. It's actually kind of a waste that my H is good-looking. All I need is someone clean and erect with a bit of arm muscle and my imagination will do the rest. For instance, when I had a lover who was 8 inches shorter than me, I just thought of him as my Welsh pony( Not literally, I didn't imagine that he was a pony(LOL). Coming up with an attractive nickname for him made him attractive to me).
Since my #1 visual turn-on is a hard-on under denim, the best trade-off for losing weight for me would be for him to frequently get aroused and increase the ratio of jeans to Dockers in his wardrobe. .
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Jenny wrote: -------------- I'm actually in a very good place in our relationship this morning because we had a long talk last night about how we really need to change a lot of the patterns in our relationship...... --------------
This is good news. I also really like the idea of rearranging the furniture to discourage old habits.
I also agree with HP and IHJ. You will probably have to revisit the issues raised by disrespect a number of times before you find peace with it.
Please do remember that he likely wants to get past the damage he has done as well, probably more quickly than you are able to.
I like your guy. He is definitely sounding born again, hard.
Watch out ladies! There is a real man at Jenny's house!
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
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