Quote: If your weight really was the source of his low drive (which I sincerely doubt), then he was being a chicken by not addressing it with you. Since you are not a mind reader, it is still his fault.
Whether or not it really was the cause of his low drive, he had convinced himself this was the case. I know exactly why he was too chicken too address it with me. He was somewhat afraid to find out it wasn't the cause and he knew if he confronted me about losing weight, I would confront him about his drinking and the fact that I was doing more than my share of work and the fact that he whined everytime I tried to cook healthier food and was the opposite of helpful in my dieting efforts.
I'm actually in a very good place in our relationship this morning because we had a long talk last night about how we really need to change a lot of the patterns in our relationship when my H goes back to having a regular 9-5 job(hopefully soon!). My H said he realizes that since he is an irritable person with a high need for order and comfort, he is going to have to make the effort to do more around the house in order to have things the way he likes it, rather than just complaining and hoping that I can make the time to do these things on top of all my other responsibilities. At the very beginning of this convo, he said that he was going to try to fix a sink that has been broken forever. He said he thought the first step in the repair process would be to jar everything loose by having sex on top of it. If he had said this to me 6 mos. ago, I probably would have fainted from shock and delight. I realized that he really did want to do this, he wasn't just saying it to get on my good side. We talked about this and he indicated that he feels like he has matured more in the last 6 mos. than in the last 15 years. He said that the main change is that he now wants to see himself as someone who is capable of doing things to change his environment rather than just a cranky, passive defeatist. He even said that he wants to learn how to cook! I gave up on this probably within the first month of our marriage, so this is huge.
I told him that I'm probably going to occasionally fall prey to old bad habits, so we made a plan to move everything around in our house to defeat old patterns. For instance, we are going to get rid of the sofas in the family room so nobody can fall asleep in front of the TV and we're going to make the living room into the new dining room so it won't seem as weird to eat something my H cooked (LOL).
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
