Jenny, I don't know if this will help or not, but I went thru something similar with my husband. Those old resentments and hurts just came floating up to the surface once things began to improve. Just as you said, I realized that him abandoning me as his wife (in all ways except leaving our home) was a CHOICE. Prior to that, I just thought that it was something beyond his control. When he admitted that it was intentional I was devastated. Mostly because I realized that, where I thought I was irresistable to him, I really wasn't. I was totally RE-sistable and it was actually quite easy for him to cut me out of his life because of a massive confusion on what God wanted him to do. (yeah, dumbarse, God wants you to shun your wife and ignore her..then you'll be REALLY devout)
Anyway, I stayed mad at this for a long time. A very long time, in fact. The only thing that helped me get past it was many many apologies on his part and time. Eventually I stopped feeling pissed off that was capable of such a thing and started to trust that the New and Improved Version of H was the real deal and I could relax and not worry that it would happen again. For a long time, I lived in fear that he would do this again. After all, he is still the same person and is still obssessed with the Cath Church. However, his attitude is much more healthy and..dare I say it..he even seems balanced most days.
So give yourself plenty of time and feel free to ask for the apology if you need it that day. He owes you one, or a thousand.
