Jenny said: ----------- What did you mean by addressing the issues? He has admitted that he was immature and superficial because of lack of self-esteem but he still believes that my weight gain was one of the main reasons for his LD behavior. He feels that his porn addiction was the other main reason. He truly believes that most overweight women don't get laid. When I tell him that he's wrong, he says my sources are unreliable. When I gave him the specific example of my overweight sister and her HDH, he said my BIL was overweight too. -----------
When a person says something totally inappropriate and stupid, they leave themselves only two real options. They can excuse the behavior in some way, or they face the mistake and attempt to rectify it.
When I was in the 7th grade, while standing in a lunch line, I saw this girl that I really liked. She hadn't noticed me. I decided that I wanted to get her attention, so I started picking at her. I don't remember exactly what I was doing, but it was very irritating to her. She told me to stop it several times. Finally, she turned around and told me that if I did it again, she was going to slap me. Of course I decided to do it again, after all, I was a guy and I had to save face. Well, she didn't feel the need to save my face at all, and slapped the crap out of me. It hurt, and I deserved it. I also learned not to be that way with girls that day.
I don't care what your husband really thinks about someone's weight, he still doesn't get to be mean and disrespectful. He sure as hell doesn't get to stand in the lunch line and pick at you armed with an attitude about your weight. If he sincerely does have issues with appearance, then he can discuss it with you in a forthright manner befitting an adult.
He needs to know that his weight comments hurt you, and he needs to set that right as best as he can.
If your weight really was the source of his low drive (which I sincerely doubt), then he was being a chicken by not addressing it with you. Since you are not a mind reader, it is still his fault.
As you two work through this stuff, don't forget that he probably has pains and hurts that need to be dealt with too.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
