And I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your posts. Imagine someone who doesn't know me researching my problem on the Internet!
I sort of feel we are all on the Island of Misfit Toys (virtually, that is.) And drawn together by a common problem, we find so many other things in common.
I just remembered one thing. My W will be tired after her long trip, so I better not expect any resolution today. Imagine how you'd feel if after being up for 24 straight hours your S demanded to have "The Talk."
My, things are busy at SSM, but I just wanted to share with you my experiences this weekend. On Friday S4 and I drove a few hours to a resort and W and D6 joined us Saturday. Our room had two queen beds, and I said, "Mama and I sleep in this bed and kids in this bed." Well, to my astonishment, they did what they were told. I got to sleep with W.
She was tired at night, so we slept, and in the morning, when I was sure she was awake, I hugged her. She pretty much turned away from me, but we kept talking. She let me rub up behind her, and I had a good time of it.
This is of course not sex. We aren't even facing each other and we are fully clothed. But I really liked it. I don't know if she gets any pleasure out of it. Somehow I am calmed knowing she knows what I am doing.
Later that day, she commented, "You study sex too much. I see all those books." It wasn't said harshly. I don't hide the books, I want her to know I am taking an interest in our situation. I mentioned that I had made an appointment with a Japanese C and, while she was surprised, she didn't object.
I agree with GGB. I have been spending so much time focusing on sex that I have forgotten that what I really want is emotional connection with W.
Ahhh, spooning. One of my favorite things. Nice to hear that they listened to your "directions" on where to sleep.
I read an article recently on "clinics" in Japan for sex-starved wives. They go and are "counselled" by men who range in age from the 20s to the 60s. This is apparently sanctioned by their husbands, who are too busy trying to succeed in the Japanese business world to bother trying to satisfy their wives. Those wacky Japanese have a solution for everything.
Please permit me to ask some silly naive questions. I've heard about people spooning. I was taken aback by Honeypot's description of her H spooning her buck naked, and not having intercourse. Couldn't the woman just turn around? Do you spoon? If so, what do you think about it and what does your W think about it? I personally can't understand why my W would allow me to have pleasure behind her and her not want some of the action
This morning was interesting, too. I'm an early riser and so I got up, showered and crawled into the family bed and sidled up against W. She didn't push me away as she normally does at night. I got her to actually face me so I could plant a hundred kisses where they belong. She really started to warm up, until the kids woke up . The rest of the morning I feel that there was excitement between us. Of course, now she's gone for 3 days .
Here's what I think: During the day, she doesn't sit around and think about sex and arousal, except to be ticked off that I think about it too much. At night, she really is tired. But in the morning, there is a possibility. Not that she would ever TELL ME THAT. In fact, I think a few years ago, she gave up on telling me what she wanted. I now have to go and figure it out by myself. Because when she told me, I WOULDN'T LISTEN, or I'd forget.
Okay, here are Hairdog's thoughts on spooning. I love it. Seeing as it's basically a rotated 90 degree turn from my favorite sexual position (hairdoggie-style), it really turns me on. HOWEVER, my W doesn't normally like to feel me "tapping" her from behind, so I must practice the "modified" spoon, which does not allow my "unit" to come into contact with her. I'd like to say that this keeps me at greater-than-arms-length distance from her, (ha ha), but it basically just means I have to back off about 6 inches or so.
I think it's great that your W let you "pleasure" yourself back there...here's a naive question for you: did you *ahem* "finish" the pleasure? Or was it just a bit of friction, etc? A few times, my W actually got in the mood when I was doing this and we finished off with me inside her from behind, which is almost as good as hairdoggin' it.
*Sigh*
Man, you know the time of day that works for her...now you just have to get those kids to sleep in their own rooms, or maybe just be very very quiet.
Paul, I'm not Hairy (nor am I hairy, har de har) but I will throw my 2 cents in anyway. Spooning, to us, is mostly just a snuggle position. I always try to get my goods smack dab against his (so much for being mysterious once in a while, eh!) and welcome anything that happens from there. Most of the time it is just more snuggling and that is ok with me. I love the feeling of his body close to mine and that is why I encourage it. That is why he does it also.
There ARE times when he is wanting sex and will place his hard member there in order to let me know and that's fine with me too. Mainly, though, it is just to snuggle or for the intimacy of having our squeezy bits together, though not necessarily leading to sex.
Naturally, snuggling like this leads to sex. I love rear entry sex so I would not want to turn around facing him. He will usually reach his hand in between my legs and stimulate me that way, or else I do it myself.
Anyway, that's what snuggling looks like in the Honey house. Now the spooning from me-to-him (me behind him) is a little more complicated from a "I'm snuggling but really trying to get you aroused" standpoint, LOL. There are no squeezy bits coming into contact with each other, but I'm sure you are not surprised to learn that with my persistence I have found ways to manage anyhow.
Yes, in fact I do finish thanks to that marvelous invention, the condom . W even knows I finish (There is the unmistakable change in rhythm).
In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that the spooning option was open to me months ago. At one point I had a hyssy fit about the kids sleeping in the bed, so spooning was out. I was glad to realize that W has left that option open.
My W wants to be adored. How dare I not comply. Last night she wore pearls to bed. PEARLS! And I do adore her. I think that the last few years I have been pi$$ed off for the reasons mentioned in my posts, and she has been pi$$ed off because I have been unable or unwilling to treat her the way she wants to be treated.
Quote: Spooning, to us, is mostly just a snuggle position. I always try to get my goods smack dab against his (so much for being mysterious once in a while, eh!) and welcome anything that happens from there. Most of the time it is just more snuggling and that is ok with me. I love the feeling of his body close to mine and that is why I encourage it. That is why he does it also.
My bf and I fall asleep spooned, full naked body contact (including the squeezy bits) every night. This does NOT produce desire, arousal, or an erection in him. Even if I wiggle my a$$ against his stuff-- no reaction. He's very cuddly, but that's all (and it's very nice, don't get me wrong).
Paul, I'm confused about something... your W lets you snuggle up behind her and get yourself off (and she knows it)? She comes to bed wearing pearls? But if you try to touch her, she literally kicks and punches you? What did I miss?
. The rest of the morning I feel that there was excitement between us. Of course, now she's gone for 3 days 
.
Mainly, though, it is just to snuggle or for the intimacy of having our squeezy bits together, though not necessarily leading to sex.
. W even knows I finish (There is the unmistakable change in rhythm).