I was gonna suggest "Arizona," in honor of the battleship that was sunk by the Japanese, but that's, uh, kind of negative, too. Maybe we need something more ... cooperative-sounding. Like, Hello Kitty. Or how about my favorite blending of Japanese and U.S. talent: Speed Racer.
I found a Japanese marriage counsellor in my area and made an appointment to see her. I will tell W that I am going and that she is welcome to come, but I don't expect her to. In fact, I would prefer W not to come, since I consider this a fact-finding visit first and foremost. I have been in the dark regarding what is "normal" among Japanese, and particularly, Japanese who settle in the U.S. and have American spouses.
A technical question: the C asked me to bring my insurance card. I have figured that my insurance wouldn't cover such things and that, if they do, I don't want it to be a public record that I am seeing what amount to a shrink. What do you all do? Same for Flexible Spending Accounts?
Bravo, Paul. Good luck. Finding a Japanese marriage counseling is great. I hope you s/he can shed some light on your situation.
As for paying, I have been to various therapists off and on for over 30 years for one thing and another. I have always written a check and I hand it to them at the beginning of the session. Period. No muss, no fuss, no bother. They appreciate it. Since I do work where I charge by the hour, I know how much they appreciate prompt payment. If you really don't want any record, go to the bank before the session and get cash. I happened to have a fair amount of cash on me once when I went to the therapist, and when I handed him $165 in cash, I said "I'll bet this doesn't happen very often." He said, on the contrary, clients from out of the country (we're not too far from the Mexico border) often pay in cash.
M&K's dad wrote <<I don't want it to be a public record that I am seeing what amount to a shrink>>
M&K's dad, so what is wrong with seeing a shrink. You do not have a deep dark secret, are not like typhoid Mary, and the problem you have is not contagious. The way I see it, You have something like a computer problem, IE one program miss communicates or does not communicate with another program.
In my books, if you have trouble repairing something and do not talk to an expert, then you might not want anyone to know when things really get screwed up. Use your insurance for what is worth. You paid for the service (insurance is a form of pre payment) so use it/insurance. Pay the deductable and be happy with that.
I used to work with deliquent boys that needed a lot of counselling. No one ever said amything negative about any of the boys getting counselling. In fact almost all of the workers in the program made positive comments about the person / family getting counselling.
<<I don't want it to be a public record>> Hay! If you see a "SHRINK" Will it be printed in the newspaper? NO WAY. Last I heard medical records are private, between you the C and the insurance company.
I work for myself. Cash is nice, insurance / company payments received in a month are good too. The payments that take 3 months are starting to get anoying.
Paul, look at counselling as "YOU" hireing a professional personal advisor. Too many people seem to merge their attitude about counselling with the general attitude of Psychic Readers like TV's "Miss Cleo's.
http://www.m-w.com/dictionary.htm Variant(s): or counselling Function: noun: professional guidance of the individual by utilizing psychological methods especially in collecting case history data, using various techniques of the personal interview, and testing interests and aptitudes.
Congrats on finding <<Japanese marriage counsellor>> you did what you needed to do. Just remember there are good and poor regular marriage counsellors. This applies to the one you found. Hopefully you will gain some insight to the way you and your W relate to each other.
OG Lou Been to counsellors. Some help you do better, some help you feel better, and some open your eyes to this is how some people will always act. They will not change. Ouch!
We use our insurance...why would you care if the insurance co or your work benefits people know that you are seeking out help. It's been my experience anyway that when our insurance company processes a bill from my H's therapist it simply says Dr. *******, not Dr. *******, Psychologist.
Besides that there is the HIPPA law that everyone has to consider and abide by.
Put your marriage first, don't worry about appearances on this.
Quote: A technical question: the C asked me to bring my insurance card. I have figured that my insurance wouldn't cover such things and that, if they do, I don't want it to be a public record that I am seeing what amount to a shrink. What do you all do? Same for Flexible Spending Accounts?
Thanks, Paul
What goes on between you, your doctor or councilor and your insurance company is strictly confidential. That confidentiality is protected by federal law.
My counciling sessions - W and I are going tomorrow - are covered by my company's EAP, which gave me a fat legal document spelling out my rights and their obligations under the law.
Good luck with your counciling. It sounds more constructive than packing a suitcase.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Paul: How great it is that you found a Japanese counselor. As for payment issues, it's up to you how you want to pay. As far as I know, there is no stigma about going to a psychologist. But, if you have a problem, just pay cash.
Thanks for the responses. I was under the impression that seeing a counsellor might cause things like life insurance to be harder to get or more expensive.
Regarding "Sexual Anerexia" the book Hairdog mentioned a few wekes ago, I have read the first few chapters. Parts of it sound like it was written by a college student who for the first time was told by a professor that it is OK to blame your woes on the big bad society. But I read further and, if anything, the characteristic traits of a sexual anorexic describe me better than they describe my W. Dysfunctional family, unresolved religious issues, a desire to be a perfetionist and to serve others, an idea that "no one would want me." The author also claims that sexual anorexics have a lot in common with sexual addicts, namely those who cannot control their sexual appetites. It is apparently not uncommon for a person to vascillate between the two extemes, motivated by sexual self-hatred.
Anyway, back at the ranch, W and I have spoken little since last week's episode (I hinted I might not be coming home that night.) I got some sympathy but it's wearing off. I feel less dependent on her these past few days. Halloween was a little tricky, though.
Quote: Dysfunctional family, unresolved religious issues, a desire to be a perfetionist and to serve others, an idea that "no one would want me."
Paul, This has socked me right between the eyes this morn.
It describes my H to a tee. I have heard every single one of those phrases (or said them myself) when talking about his sex drive. Weird.
Tell me more about this book. Is it one of those "this is why you're f*cked up" books, with no ideas for resolution? If so, I'm not interested. LOL Have no desire to delve into why H is the way he is..been there, done that. I just want to learn how to continue to move forward.
I hope they have this one at the library; H is going to think I've lost my mind...I've got Kosher Sex on reserve at the library and (hopefully) this one. He makes fun of me cause my stack of books is usually a few cookbooks, a few sex books, and some kiddie craft books or something. He says the librarians snicker when I walk away; I say they admire my well rounded ness.
If you really don't want any record, go to the bank before the session and get cash. I happened to have a fair amount of cash on me once when I went to the therapist, and when I handed him $165 in cash, I said "I'll bet this doesn't happen very often." He said, on the contrary, clients from out of the country (we're not too far from the Mexico border) often pay in cash. 