I want to thank you for all your help in this diffcult week. I have certainly got my wife's attention, but I'm not sure what to do with it. I've learned a few things about myself. I'm tired of doing what I've been doing: alternately begging and bossing. For some reason my W does not want me and nothing I have done has changed that. I'm going to stop trying to fix the relationship and start trying to fix myself. I'm not spouting SSM dogma here. I've been throwing myself into such a tizzy about my W's rejection that I'm out of control. It may mean some dereliction of my duties at home. It may cause my W to consider leaving me. I am suffering from a fusion with an idea of who I am in relation to my wife. I'm just not going to let her have that kind of power over me.
I need to change my name. I have finally realized that it's not just about "kids sleeping in our bed." I knew that, but I hung onto a dream that sleeping with W alone would lead toward a path of salvation. My first post here was 4 months ago and all my headbutting has not lead any further intimacy.
I need to start having something else occupy my thoughts.
