I have been turning things over in my mind. One thing that we have been ignoring is the extent to which things change within a culture. Our own marriages are, at least on the surface, very different from our parents'. Certainly there are many deeply ingrained similarities, but families in the U.S. have been significantly restructured over the last say 40 years. Even those of us who stayed in the culture we grew up in cannot look to our parents' marriage for all the answers.
Regarding the possibility of my W being abused, I get the impression from several posts that it is not wise to dwell on such things. When I mentioned to W the article Lillie referenced in her post, she stated that she "needs to think about it," that she hadn't considered the possibility of co-sleeping leading to widespread incest. This could be face-saving for her. Perhaps she has some cultural feeling that she should sleep with the kids, but she is also tired of my incessant complaining.
FF: I hear ya'. I am trying to be sensitive to our cultural differences. I would consider relenting on the co-sleeping issue if she were to work with me on the intimacy issue. She still flatly refused to see a C, OK maybe that's cultural. But refusing a hug or kiss? What culture prohibits intimacy in private among married couples? Not a culture that's long for this earth! Also, remember that W left Japan. In retrospect, that does give credence to the likelihood of abuse, especially since her sister also left. W is somewhat out of touch with contemporary Japan.
