Quote: I think people give too much credit to the cultural differences spouses have when they just disagree on individual issues. Saying somethin is "Cultural" might lead one to beleive the changes you want will never happen because that is the way a spouse is due to his or her culture. I think people try to avoid a conflict or are afraid of what will be said in anger if the real issues are discussed
What I've been trying to say is that there is a cultural aspect which has to be acknowledged if you want a change from the individual.
I know what it is like to live from day to day in a culture different from the one you grew up in. I've done it fro 17 yrs. I have other immigrant friends here as well, and we all struggle with different aspects of this culture. We've chosen to do it, for various reasons, and yes, of course, we could probably go home if we really wanted to. So we have to learn to deal with the cultural differences in the best way we can. Still can cause problems though.
I've been criticized here for the way I raise my children. Not only don't people understand why I want to insure that my children speak two languages, they don't understand why I am raising them to be outspoken, social, inquisitive, creative people. I've been told that they will have problems fitting into society here, and I'm doing them a disservice.
My children know how to engage in conversation with adults, they know when to sit still and when they can run around. They are kids, and get out of hand occasionally, but rarely, 'cause they know they'll have their time to 'blow off steam' I don't want my children to hang on my skirt hem when we go out, afraid to talk, and sit like little soldiers at the table and let their parents talk for them. I feel very very strongly about this.
At times I feel like like I'm fighting a tide. I don't want to tell my in-laws how to treat my children, but there are somethings that I cringe at...my MIL passing on fears, and I don't agree with the fact that here children as young as 7 are left alone for several hrs at a time, and expected to find their way home from school, even if it means taking public transportation rather long distances (no school busses). This causes problems for me at times, and I many times remind H that if I seem 'overly protective', that he should try to remember where I'm coming from. We have been able to discuss this, and usually do come to some compromise.
So I understand Paul's W. I think he needs to first understand how strong the idea of 'family bed' is ingrained in his W.
Having said that, it doesn't get her off the hook, and I suspect she is hiding behind it somewhat. She's not willing to compromise right now. But maybe, if Paul understands how important it is to her, he can acknowledge that and find a way to compromise.
I think there are other issues they have to deal with as well, but they do have to find a way to bridge two cultures here.
The idea is, you can't change a whole culture. And you can't take 'culture' out of a person. You have to learn to work around it.
