I have read and reread your posts and two themes keep coming to my mind. They are Cultural and Individual.
I think people give too much credit to the cultural differences spouses have when they just disagree on individual issues. Saying somethin is "Cultural" might lead one to beleive the changes you want will never happen because that is the way a spouse is due to his or her culture. I think people try to avoid a conflict or are afraid of what will be said in anger if the real issues are discussed
A person might think change is possible with an individual, but how are you going to change the culture? That is impossable. Too big of a job. It's like comparing the culture to a train. You know that if you stand in the path of a moving train you are going to lose, so you do not do that. Changing the culture of a spouse is too much work or too painful so one is reluctant to make changes in the M.
Basically, we give the cultural differences too much credit when the focus should be on the individual beliefs a person practices. Maybe it's a way for your W to avoid the real issues.
I think your W is using the cultural excuse to back up her beliefs / feelings / emotions of not wanting a normal marrital relationship with you. I also believe most people in the industrialized world have a similar range of sexual desire for their spouse. I am sure Husbands in Japan do not go for 4 years with out sexual intercourse (SI) with their wife unless they participate in this kind of activity (SI) with another woman or have a compensated dating partner.
Paul, I am not trying to pick on you or your W. Just pointing out to you that sometimes the things we talk about are secondary to the real issue that is keeping us from progressing in our quest for a happier R with our spouse.
For example: Lillieperl said her BF is good at what she called "creating the fog" or avoiding the real issues she wants to talk about. FocusedFlutist has her issues with her H where anger is displayed to avoid talking about the real issues in their relationship.
OG Lou sometimes things stick in my mind and I think what if, what are the real "brass tacks" (honest measure or real issues)
