Honey had some similiar thoughts as those I've pasted here again. Perhaps worthy of some time thinking about.
It also sounds to me like there is a probabilty of incest or sexual abuse as a child....with your wife. 1) She doesn't want to talk about sex and 2) You haven't had sex in 4 years. I've seen those symptoms in others and it proved to be a sexual trauma as a child.
Quote: Dear M&KsD,
It occured to me last night that when you demanded that your wife sleep in your bed instead of the "family bed," that she may perceive that as you making her choose between you and the children.
Give in to the family bed: go ahead and join them. She might feel closer to you when you join the rest of the family, and there will be less of a "you against them" dynamic.
Be firm on sex. Reserve a bed and bedroom for sex. You can put the kids to bed, have a date in the adults' room, and then go to sleep with the kids. Or you can get up before the kids and go to the adults' room.
What I'm saying is, maybe you need to respect your wife's cultural traditions, and also the possibility that she needs to feel close to the children by sleeping with them. And, of course, she should respect your reasonable request for a marital sex life. With a little creativity, maybe you can both have your way.
