I exhaled deeply when I read your post. It meant that you did not do anything rash. It occured to me last night that when you demanded that your wife sleep in your bed instead of the "family bed," that she may perceive that as you making her choose between you and the children. She would choose the children, don't you think?
Maybe you need to decouple your issue of the two of you sleeping in the same bed with your issue of no sex life. Give in to the family bed: go ahead and join them. She might feel closer to you when you join the rest of the family, and there will be less of a "you against them" dynamic.
Be firm on sex. Reserve a bed and bedroom for sex. You can put the kids to bed, have a date in the adults' room, and then go to sleep with the kids. Or you can get up before the kids and go to the adults' room.
What I'm saying is, maybe you need to respect your wife's cultural traditions, and also the possibility that she needs to feel close to the children by sleeping with them. And, of course, she should respect your reasonable request for a marital sex life. With a little creativity, maybe you can both have your way.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
