I myself am guilty of concentrating on the negative.
I don't personally talk of the DB techniques because I use the more broad DB technique of "do what works".
For instance, Acting As If has no positive impact on my situation. My H (incorrectly) assumes then that everything is hunky dory and I am happy as a pig in slop with his behavior.
Doing a 180, however, does seem to work with him.
You know, there are lots of things that work with him but, unfortunately, we have a bad habit of drifting back into old familiar patterns. This is largely due to my H, although I certainly do NOT help things with my awful reactions.
It is hard to keep doing the DB techniques over..and over...and over..and over. I want to do them, integrate them into my personality, make a positive marital change and be DONE WITH IT.
I don't want to have to keep going back and back and trying new things to get him on board with fixing this R.
Plus, I actually read Passionate Marriage way before the SSM book and was already using its more "ballbusting" principles. I find that the PM stuff really helped me define and focus on what were issues of integrity, etc, as well as helping me see the ways in which we were fused. The DB'ing stuff helps me be a better person and have better interactions with my husband. I don't know that it helps me get him on board for more or better sex but it doesn't hurt! Me being more pleasant definitely improves my chances of having a fulfilling sex life.
However, I'm sure you can see how I am totally demotivated to keep having to go back to these principles, time and again. Am I really that bad that having regular sex with me requires this level of strategy?
So that is why I personally have slacked off with writing about the specific techniques. It is a bit embarrassing for me to have to keep having to do these things.
You caught me on a bad day; normally I am not this somber.
