"I know we did, sweetie, and my goal is that we sleep together every night. I'm sorry that we've drifted apart in some ways over the years, but you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Because I love you and want to be close to you and that includes snuggling up together under the covers. I'll work with you over the next 30 days to help the kids get accustomed to sleeping on their own."
I wish I had thought of that! I'm guessing I'll have another chance, though!
Quote:
What do the kids do when she's gone overseas?
Different things. Sometimes they sleep with their aunt, sometimes I put them to sleep and leave, sometimes I stay. Once they fall asleep they never get, even if no adult is there.
Say "hi" to NOP!
Paul, whose wife I hope doesn't start snooping here!
Don't worry about me receiving bad advice. I may be walking on eggshells, but I'm not made of them.
I haven't read DB books, primarily because at this time I don't think there is a D to B. The idea to keep my cool primatily comes from "Passionate Marriage" and common sense. On the other hand, if I just continue to accept W's insensitive remarks, I'll start to boil inside and she will think there is nothing wrong with what she is doing. I am going to initiate friction, but it will be at a time I select.
I asked her to sleep with me tonight, as it has been a week. I expect her to do it.
I know how those "repeat" encounters can be. It ties in to the sensitivity factor. We stick our neck out just a tad and reel it back in as soon as we detect the possible glint of something sharp.
Sometimes they don't even have to flash the steel.
As to the discovery of this Previously Undiscovered Territory - while not one of my happier moments, it did end up moving us along a bit faster than we probably would have.
I think we as couples can get lost on the Euphemism Highway - "I want us to have a happier marriage" is way too vague to be much help at all. And obviously, we wouldn't be here if we had managed to make ourselves clear enough to our spouses. If we can eliminate the possibility of our spouse being Satan incarnate put here on earth to make our lives miserable (joking aside, there ARE some really bent people) then we must operate from the foundation that our spouse can be reasoned with (eventually) and isn't intentionally, with malice, refusing to attempt to meet our needs. Joyce Landorf wrote a book years ago entitled "Irregular People" - might be worth a look-see for folks who may wonder about the apparently cruel responses they get from their SOs.
Quote: I haven't read DB books, primarily because at this time I don't think there is a D to B. The idea to keep my cool primatily comes from "Passionate Marriage" and common sense. On the other hand, if I just continue to accept W's insensitive remarks, I'll start to boil inside and she will think there is nothing wrong with what she is doing. I am going to initiate friction, but it will be at a time I select.
I asked her to sleep with me tonight, as it has been a week. I expect her to do it.
I am gonna call you on this approach you are taking. It seems to me that you appear to avoid taking responsibility for your part in this and placing the BURDEN on your W. "I asked her to sleep with me tonight. I expect her to do it." This sounds like a bad episode of "The Honeymooners".
It is strongly encouraged that you buy The Divorce Remedy book (if you haven't done so yet). Michele has given ALL of us very valuable tools to successfully get your M back on track and maintain the love in it.
mandksdad wrote <<<I haven't read DB books, primarily because at this time I don't think there is a D to B>>>
mandksdad: The title of the books does not mean that a spouse wants a "D" or might get a "D". To my way of of thinking the books should be titled " ways to stop doing things that do not work, setting limits, and respecting each other." Get Divorce Remedy and practice a few of its concepts.
MY W gave me the "what is this" eye when she saw the title. I said the title should be "improving spousal relationships."
About your wife's reluctance to sleep with you, I do not have anything to offer except empathy.
I think I read somewher in one of your posts or replys "If you tell your W you are going to have an afair, is that cheating?" I thought of a TV program about Japaneese sexuality, that surprised me. According to the Discovery program, A man can have sex with a woman (not his wife) if he pays the woman. This is not called prostitution. It is called "compensated dating." The mans wife said it was OK because the H paid her for a service. She went on to say that if her H had sex with the woman and did not pay her, the woman did it for love and that was cheating.
I am not endorsing the above paragraph. Just comparing the sleeping with spouse aversion your W has to the suppposed cultural norm of "compensated dating" is OK. Maybe MrsNop book suggestion is good advice.
OG Lou Whose W wants OG to go to sleep and spoon all night, week, month long. I like the TV definition of "sleep with" better. It is more exciting!
Well, I have completely lost my patience. Last night, I was again told, "We just slept together last night." I was also told, "My baby needs me." (Baby is now 6 years old.) So I stepped aside like the good lapdog I am, and W proceeded to go to sleep in D6's bed, but without D6. D6 stayed up and played. Finally at 10:30 on the night before a school day, I told W that she needs to get D6 into bed.
I am now on strike. I made my displeasure known to everyone this morning. I may go home tonight, I may not (I have packed a bag just in case.)
Please note, this is not a strategic move, this a pi$$ed off move.
I'm sorry things are going so rough right now, hang in there. If you packed that bag don't be afraid to follow-through, it may be the wake-up call she requires.
You know, I guess a lot of you have recognized the seriousness of my situation better than I have.
The packed bag is here in my office. W may have seen me leaving with an extra bag, but she didn't say anything. She just called with more work for me to do regarding the new real estate purchase, but I made it clear she's on her own.
Stick to your guns on this...I have a gut feeling that she's in dire need of a swift kick in the patootie to take you seriously...and for her to see the seriousness of this situation as well.
