mandksdad wrote <<<I haven't read DB books, primarily because at this time I don't think there is a D to B>>>
mandksdad: The title of the books does not mean that a spouse wants a "D" or might get a "D". To my way of of thinking the books should be titled " ways to stop doing things that do not work, setting limits, and respecting each other." Get Divorce Remedy and practice a few of its concepts.
MY W gave me the "what is this" eye when she saw the title. I said the title should be "improving spousal relationships."
About your wife's reluctance to sleep with you, I do not have anything to offer except empathy.
I think I read somewher in one of your posts or replys "If you tell your W you are going to have an afair, is that cheating?" I thought of a TV program about Japaneese sexuality, that surprised me. According to the Discovery program, A man can have sex with a woman (not his wife) if he pays the woman. This is not called prostitution. It is called "compensated dating." The mans wife said it was OK because the H paid her for a service. She went on to say that if her H had sex with the woman and did not pay her, the woman did it for love and that was cheating.
I am not endorsing the above paragraph. Just comparing the sleeping with spouse aversion your W has to the suppposed cultural norm of "compensated dating" is OK. Maybe MrsNop book suggestion is good advice.
OG Lou Whose W wants OG to go to sleep and spoon all night, week, month long. I like the TV definition of "sleep with" better. It is more exciting!