Ok, ok I'll stop whining about the shirt, but you know what I really meant.Its the whole day I'd be missing with him. I don't know if I mentioned it before to you both but because of the reason he left (and I know Molliew, you said he is using it as probably an excuse and I am inclined to agree-all the signs still point to MLC) is some of the reason I am afraid to do things like go to these events is I am afraid he'll think that I AM out looking for a hook up (no way, I AM lonely , but it is HIS touch I am missing and it is waaay too scary to just go with anyone these days).My friend says if he DARES to use that you actually went to an event to try to be around things you like to do or thinks that the only reason you went there is to look for men as an excuse to finally end it-then he really IS the selfish a**hole we've all been telling you he is and LET HIM GO! I still have not called . My sister said (actually she said I was stupid for even wanting to call him, that I am gonna probably sit in the house till I die waiting for H to ask me to do something with him, and that I am wasting my time because he likes his life the way it is and it does not include ME) she said I should wait till Sunday cause what if he is doing something or he is at the biker event w/ friends or OW (1 or 2) and you interrupt and he is pissy ,now- YOU"LL be crying for the rest of the weekend.She also said that he treats ME like the OW, hiding me away. I said I disagree- OW gets the good behaviour from him, I bet SHE is not sitting home crying this weekend because he took his WIFE instead of her, right??? I have not heard anything about either woman for awhile. Sometimes I think what he isn't telling me is worse than the snippets I do get.
Molliew ,again, how the HELL did you do this?? Please be patient with me, its just that it seems he IS happy with his life the way it is, and if he missed me like he said he did a few weeks ago (before the D talk) then he'd be CALLING me, or wanting to do something with me ,RIGHT???? How long till "the new life " glamour wears off??? ARRRRG! I actually cried today at work, a co-worker said she was so worried about me an that I should not stay home this weekend, and then she hugged me. That made me cry. Everyone says WHY do you want this guy back? He treats you like you barely exsist now, then throws a pet name at you when he calls as insurance that if his life doesn't work out he can go back to the old life. Thats really hard to hear. Especially after 5 days of no contact with H.
Well, I am flattered by your description of me as level headed. But you know, I've just been at this a little longer than you have that's all. I've been through all the things you are going through. I really think it is ok for him to think you are looking for a hookup. That's what finally brought mine back to thinking he might want me. He didn't want me to be with someone else. He couldn't believe I was dating someone. I said, hey, what did you think I was going to do?" My sister says the same stuff and that is why I don't talk to her about it anymore. She only sees one side, the side where I've been hurt and she hates him for hurting me. She won't believe that I had anything to do with the breakup, that I am a wonderful person and he is a jerk! But you and I know we have made contributions to our breakups and we want to work on that with or without our H's. Cripes, my sister has been married 3 times--she is no expert on relationships! I have a friend who said the same stuff, "why do you want to be with someone who treats you like that anyway". Well, I don't talk to her anymore about it either. I have another friend who never judges me or my H and I love her so much for being my friend and not judging us. She is just there for support, whatever I need. She is the best! I hope you have a friend like that somewhere. I actually agree that you shouldn't call him. First, because it looks like you are pursuing a little, second, because if he is out, if you don't call you won't know and that is easier on your heart right now. Mine has a day off today. I know his friend was going to pick him up this morning to go do various things. It is now 5:45 in the evening and I haven't heard from him all day. I'd like to know what he is doing, but if he wanted me to know he would call me. I know he will call before the night is over and I will just wait until he makes the decision. I have cried at work, but no one saw. I have cried many tears driving in my car. I have cried until I was dry, but after time and working on myself, I have gone about 2 weeks without crying. It feels so good. I also am on prozac so that could explain some of it. And I have a wonderful counselor who is helping me find my way to happiness.
I suggest you not talk to anyone anymore unless you know they won't judge either of you. Even though you don't want it to, it does influence you somehow and makes you feel like you are doing something bad. If you love this man and you want a life with him, don't get in a situation where people can talk bad about him. Just love him and be there when he wants you.
OW is most likely a distraction, no pressure right now, fun. But you have that in you too so show it off. Don't tell him, show him. It took months, but I'm finally seeing some people on here who have been working really hard getting some great results. A couple are even back living together. So it can work.
I know it isn't just the t-shirt, it's the principle of the thing--but let it go. OW is going to get old after a while. The same issues he has in your R are going to come up in that R too. He hasn't changed and he is picking out someone who probably is a lot like you were when you were first dating. Be that person again. He is watching even if you don't hear from him for a while. He is trying to make himself feel better with OW, but he thinks of you--no way he can't.
Believe me I have experienced that gut wrenching, heart breaking pain you are feeling, but the more I distance, the closer he gets. Of course, I know he could still back away and I'm probably not prepared. I'm actually getting a little comfortable and it scares me a little cuz if he backs off, I'm going to be devastated again. I just hope it won't happen.
Keep working at it. You know it's going to be the hardest thing you've ever done, but it might be soooo worth it! I am pulling for you and you are in my thoughts and prayers!
And I have a wonderful counselor who is helping me find my way to happiness.