Thanks guys! I know its not him Im necessarliy haveing the problem with its me and how low I feel about myself right now. I know he is here with me and he choose to be here I understand that I do but since she called him the other day its like I feel like I did when he was gone and with her all scared and my stomach is tied in knots I want to ask him that he mentioned about changing his cell # and if he would be willing to do that still is that wrong to ask?? Plus there is me going away for 5 days next week and the last time I went away he bought her a plane ticket to fly down to spend the weekend with him and I just have to keep saying to myself that was then this is now that was then this is now over and over. I wish I could just cut my brain out and slap it silly for making me have these thoughts! Especially when he is telling me how much he is going to miss me and when I get back that is when he will give me my rings back and we will be totally back together but then my brain is like well why wait till I get back what does he want to do something while Im gone??? Even though he told me the reason he wasnt giving them back now was that I already had these plans to go up north to have a good time with my friends and maybe "hook up" and I told him I never planned on "hooking up" with anyone it was just a chance for me to hang with old friends and even if we werent back together I still wasnt in the mind set of being single that I still saw myself married and he said I just dont want to mess up your plans is all. Heres my brain, "Why is there something you want to do or someone you want to see while im away??" BRAIN STOP IT STOP IT!!! KMFLA man I totally give you alot of credit man at least my H's xOW is 400 miles away and H doesnt have to deal with seeing her on a daily basis in a work setting. And Im sure holiday office gatherings are tough and honestly why is it that they still sometimes worry about hurting OW's feelings I mean if anything your H should be like yeah your going with me your my wife nothing uncomfortable about that. LIke my H when xOW called the other day it was in regards to her D and I said to H you dont owe her anything to her D and I understand she got hurt on your 4 wheeler but why call you about HER D haveing to go to the doc, you arent responsible for her D and he said its not her D's fault I left and its not fair that her D really liked me and misses me being there and she feels sad about this to. What do I say to that?? Anyway your H can relocate or get a different job I think like you that that will be the only way you guys can honestly break away from his past with xOW and really fix your M. I cant wait for my H to start his C so that we can start doing it together I think that will really help me get past this and look to the future and stop peeking backwards to the past and all that has happened Lost
