Sportster, your friends are right in telling you to move on. That doesn't mean you have to leave him. Just move on with a life that doesn't include him right now. I know it's hard, it takes a while to figure out how to do it, but you have to. However, I know your friends mean for you to leave him and that isn't what you have to do if you don't want to. They don't want you to hurt and you are hurt by this and him and they will be bitter about him. No, it is not safe yet to test the waters by contacting him. Do not call him on Friday, do not send cards, magazines or e-mails. Let him initiate all contact. He is going to wonder why he hasn't heard from you and that is good. You have to leave him alone and let him figure out his stuff. You don't have to think about the "bad crap". What is that going to do but make you angry and feel bad. Think of the good stuff and when you have a chance act like you did during the good times. Act as if you are happy and having fun in your life. When you do talk on the phone, smile as you talk. Don't talk about R or anything else serious. If you let him contact you, then you know he wants to talk to you. If you contact him, you have no idea how he feels about it--and you cannot ask him! I have also been afraid my H will like his life the way it is. I think he does and that is ok right now. It doesn't mean he will always like it that way. He chooses to spend time with me right now and I can accept what I get and keep going on with a smile on my face, even if it isn't what I want. We've been apart for 8 months and I see no signs of getting back together in the near future. But I can't push it, I can't control it. I have to accept what I get and hope for a little bit more here and there. But it is all up to him, there is no way I can make him do something. DBing is my only hope right now. Please try your hardest to relax and make his time with you comfortable for him. Be someone he wants to be around. There are positives here--calling you by your pet name, not getting D papers, him calling you because "he hasn't heard from you in a while". You have been at this only 2 months. I know that seems like forever, but it is probably going to be longer so try to settle in. At 2 months I didn't even know that DBing existed yet, so you are ahead of me at 2 months. Patience, and lots of it. I thinking good thoughts for you!
