Well guess who called H yesterday....the exOW. It was the first thing he told me when he got home from work and I didnt panic or anything I just said oh really what was that about. And he said she wanted to tell him about her D that when she fell off of H's 4 wheeler and hurt her leg she said it hadnt gotten better and took her to the doc and she has some sort of cyst that they have to put her in surgery to remove it and that she just wanted to call and tell him about it. He told her he was sorry to hear that and that hope everything is ok. She wanted to know how things were going with he and I and he said really good and he said there was a big pause and then she asked if he was working and said yep got a job 2nd day I got back home. He asked how she was she said ok she asked him the same and he said doing really good then he said she started getting snippy and he said well I have to go take care and hope everything turns out ok with D. I asked him how he felt about talking to her and he said when he saw her # come up he was like oh crap what does she want and I asked how did you feel when you were talking to her and he said like I was talking to an aquaintance and that was all that he didnt have one bit of old feelings while talking to her that he was hoping it wouldnt be a long conversation and that especially when she was actually trying to start an argument with me I was like yeah whatever. I didnt get upset we just talked about it and I let him talk. Later he said to me that OW was the type that she never wanted to listen to what you had to say she had to be the one speaking that she never listens to you and I said yeah kinda like how I used to be (which I was honestly) and he said yeah but you know since I have been back you have really listened to me and you dont just jump into an argument you let me talk about what I want to say and I said yeah thats something I knew I needed to change about myself and to be honest I really love how our way of talking to each other has really changed and he said yeah me to. We got to talking about life in general and one thing I said to him was that we let life dictate us i.e. materialistic nature, keeping up with the jones attitude and we lost track of each other and forgot to keep our R stronger and believe me I didnt realize what I had till I lost it and he said yeah me neither I didnt realize what a great family and wonderful wife I had till I almost lost it too. How ironic that I also bought him a really sweet card about the day I met him is the day I fell in love forever with a little note about how lucky we are to have this 2nd chance and thanked him for being so patient and understanding. He came out after reading it gave me a huge hug and said I love you so much! We ML and it just seemed sooo intimate and loving like he was really wearing his heart on the outside of his chest and showing it to me! Almost glad she called him made him maybe realize that yeap no feelings for her and cant wait to get him to W!!! LostInFl
Lost, this is wonderful--I am soooo happy for you! What a great guy you have and it is so awesome that you have that second chance to make sure he knows how great you think he is. And he is obviously feeling the same way about you. Try to drop OW now, I don't think there is anything else to talk about there. Let it be the past. You are doing so well and I'm so glad it's working for you. I am seeing more and more of my H but no plans of living together. And we still aren't wearing our rings, but I keep the positive attitude and keep waiting. Take care!
I am so happy for you and SOOOOOO jeolous! LOL! I hope to tell be able to tell the same happy story too one day. Good for you. Seems to me that your relationship can only go up from here. You two need to do some celebrating with sometime alone or do you think it's too soon for a weekend away?
molliew Yes let her be the past and just put our eyes forward on our future that looks bigger and better as each day goes by!! To let you know we still are not wearing our rings either but I have "hinted" that I want to and have said to him when he said he will give them to me when he is ready is he not 100% sure about M or himself about being here or afraid to show that commitment to the world to that said that he said he has no doubts about his commitment to me or our M but that he needs to fix things for himself first i.e. therapy on his own but who knows maybe xmas I will get them back OR maybe a new one!!!!! But I do want to wear them so bad you know to show the world!!!
Destination Believe me I used to get so jealous when I read other peoples success stories and also wondered will that be me one day?? And here I am so keep your chin up it will happen for you to!! We were able to spend that whole weekend alone that he came home and right now we cant really get away because of the holiday and also his new job he cant take time off and also financially with him not working for 3 weeks we are a bit behind so trying to catch up BUT both our bdays are in January so maybe we will try and plan a weekend away just the 2 of us OR have a party with all of our friends and celebrate (NO kids hehehe) Lost
GOOd goin Lost!! You guys are doin sooooo good, I too am jealous. If you read above , last time we talked was Sunday and there has been no metion of a re-scheduling of our dinner date. It was an ok conversation, ended in him calling me by my "pet name" which I replied back by his. I wanna call him soooo bad today, but called MIL instead. She is such a sweetie. Everyone I know is telling me it OVER, move on, start planning a life without him. But ya know -for someone who was spewing such venom 2 sundays ago, then is calling me by my pet name the last two times we talked, and I still have not seen any papers served to me.I cannot give up. Maybe I am hangin on by a thread here, but I am gonna hold onto it. What do all of you think? I wanna call him on Friday because of what he said in the phone call about "well haven't heard from you for a while so I figured I'd call". Is it safe to test the waters here? I mailed him a birthday card in October, he never mentioned it. I mailed him some magazines and a funny card I made -last week, he never mentioned it . Do you think I should just e-mail instead? I have been having a couple of bad days, crying alot and stuff. I just really miss him being here and being able to hug or kiss him any time I want. I try to remember all the bad crap that happened too, and if I don't believe me my friends and family DO remind me. I sure hope he is learning some things out there that will make what happened to us 21 years ago and me lying to protect him/ our R ,seem like a pretty stupid idea for leaving. I am so afraid he will "like his life the way it is, he is at ease with himself, and I don't have to think about what you did with that guy " a permanent basis. I don't wanna live my life without my H. We had such good plans for our life together-travel, stuff like that. I pray every night that he will come back a healed person-no bitterness, trusting, and realizing that he wants ME in his life, not OW, partying every weekend, and that what I did was a sign that something was wrong in our marraige way back then but we were to young and ill equipped to deal with it. Thanks for being here for me. You don't realize how happy I am for you that you got a second chance. Hold on to him and NEVER let go.You have learned so much. Remember what I said a while back that YOU gotta be the "other woman" in his life as well.Anyway, any ideas? I am at a loss of how datk to be-tomorrow is 2 momths that he left...
Sportster, your friends are right in telling you to move on. That doesn't mean you have to leave him. Just move on with a life that doesn't include him right now. I know it's hard, it takes a while to figure out how to do it, but you have to. However, I know your friends mean for you to leave him and that isn't what you have to do if you don't want to. They don't want you to hurt and you are hurt by this and him and they will be bitter about him. No, it is not safe yet to test the waters by contacting him. Do not call him on Friday, do not send cards, magazines or e-mails. Let him initiate all contact. He is going to wonder why he hasn't heard from you and that is good. You have to leave him alone and let him figure out his stuff. You don't have to think about the "bad crap". What is that going to do but make you angry and feel bad. Think of the good stuff and when you have a chance act like you did during the good times. Act as if you are happy and having fun in your life. When you do talk on the phone, smile as you talk. Don't talk about R or anything else serious. If you let him contact you, then you know he wants to talk to you. If you contact him, you have no idea how he feels about it--and you cannot ask him! I have also been afraid my H will like his life the way it is. I think he does and that is ok right now. It doesn't mean he will always like it that way. He chooses to spend time with me right now and I can accept what I get and keep going on with a smile on my face, even if it isn't what I want. We've been apart for 8 months and I see no signs of getting back together in the near future. But I can't push it, I can't control it. I have to accept what I get and hope for a little bit more here and there. But it is all up to him, there is no way I can make him do something. DBing is my only hope right now. Please try your hardest to relax and make his time with you comfortable for him. Be someone he wants to be around. There are positives here--calling you by your pet name, not getting D papers, him calling you because "he hasn't heard from you in a while". You have been at this only 2 months. I know that seems like forever, but it is probably going to be longer so try to settle in. At 2 months I didn't even know that DBing existed yet, so you are ahead of me at 2 months. Patience, and lots of it. I thinking good thoughts for you!
Molliew- WOW! Thanks soooo much for replying. I AM trying hard, and it IS hard to do this. When I said I talked to MIL today and I told her how little H and I talk and that I really wanted to call him today but was unsure, she was the one who suggested that I wait till Friday and then call and say a quick hello. I just took" haven't heard from you in a while" as my que to be able to call without feeling like I was intruding-ONCE in a while.My H can be funny that way. I just don't want him to be able to say "well YOU never even called ME, you didn't care , blah blah blah" I know I have to stay as distanced as I can, and I have been really really good about my darkness, PMA and "posture" during phone calls or in person. And you're right, its only gonna be two months but it DOES feel like forever to me! At 8 months you are a pillar of strenghth-but your H is actually wanting to be you! I always feel like if mine has a spare half hour left over at the end of the week, I may get a visit. After all HE is not the one cryin his eyes out every day, and wondering what I'm doin or who I'm doin it with .And he did say he likes his life the way it is right now. So I have to wait.
As for the get a life deal, I thought I was gonna have a way easier time with that, but I have not. I was always the more outgoing of us two, have friends at work, but only one friend that lives thousand miles away.He never really had too many friends his whole life,but He seemed to have a whole life in place as soon as he walked out- friends ,apartment, girls already lined up vying for his attention- they sucked up to him big time. My H is a smart really good looking guy, I am sure they were estactic the day they found out he was seperated. He even told me they all came running when they found out (geeze, can you imagine???) Before we split, A few of his buddies at work had bikes, so for a while we had tons of fun going to biker stuff. Do you think it would be ok for me to go to an event by myself? Would it look like I was "looking"?I really miss so much of our lives . Even this last year and a half while we were going through all this bad crap before he left, we managed to have fun doing things together. That why I can't understand why he can not let go of this historical obsession with what happened 21 years ago! If you really love someone, you WORK on it right?? Thats why I think he is MLC, from what I read if thats the case its all about THEM, and screw everyone else.
