In my sitch I never call unless it is a return call. At first I was calling a couple times a day asking for reassurance and he would get mad. I worked and worked and finally got to where I could resist the urge to call. I would call friends or just go do something, or just lay on my bed and cry (don't recommend that one). Anyway, he told me I could call him if I needed anything or just wanted to chit chat but no more R talk. Well, I decided to let him initiate all contact. That way I know it is his decision and he wants to talk to me. If I call him I don't know if he wants to talk to me. When he called me Friday night to let me know he had received his license suspension notice and quickly hung up depressed, I wanted to call him back so bad and try to comfort him. But I knew there was nothing I could do and I'd just make him angry. I kept reminding myself that this wasn't about me and that I couldn't do anything about it. I hoped he wouldn't think I was uncaring but he was the one that hung up. He called 3 hours later and was pleasant but still depressed. I was very proud of myself for leaving him alone and it really seemed to be what he needed. I have never talked with him about how I won't contact him--I just don't. So, it works in my sitch. When I am out of cell phone range and he calls, he leaves messages asking where I'm at, so I know it gives him a little anxiety when he doesn't know where I am, and I think that's good for him. And we are getting along pretty good right now, but I just keep up the DBing anyway. It has to be a part of my life from now on. It is a heck of a lot better than what I did before!