I have lost my soulmate to OW

[AMiTHEOW]

Hey Lost,

CONGRATS TO YOUR H FOR THE NEW JOB!!!!

Isn't Sportster just great. I want to say thank you Sportster for "butting" in, I totally appreciate it. I will respond to you on my thread.

What I can say of what you have told me here is it sounds like your H is "testing the waters" of singlehood and seeing if its what he really wants or not especially since there is more then 1 woman now BUT sportster maybe on to something in the fact that yeah he maybe getting calls from these women BUT is he really calling them back??

I agree, he may be testing the waters..but this is the same thing we went through before when we separated. However, it seems to be worse this time because now he is telling me it is ok for me to see other people. I was shocked. Re: his voicemail, one of the women said that she had rcvd his message and was returning his call. During our sep before he was seeing OW#1, then revisited the state and saw her again after we reconciled. He had said he thought he loved her. That was a year ago. Recently he told me it was just a phase and now she is on his VM as well. I am afraid they will "fall in love all over again" and he will be with her. I have decided to not listen to his VM ever again.

I have to take YOUR advice and stop talking about OW with H. It seems I do it everyday and how can I honestly expect him to forget about her when Im always bringing her up and reminding him?

Exactly Lost. My H actually told me that I would put her on his mind when I brought her up. At first he was pretty good with answering all questions, but then I became obsessed with bringing it up. This became another obstacle in our already fragile M. I hadn't found DB then, therefore I felt like he OWED it to me to always be responsive to my fears, inhibitions and questions...WRONG. He has told you he is home to stay, start from there.

I know its only been a week but I find that Im always asking him are you happy? And maybe being a little too affectionate and last night he said he was kinda weirded out by all the affection I have been giving him because I wasnt always like that and he doesnt know how to handle it and he said dont try so hard just be yourself

Again, this is exactly how my H was feeling. I SOOO wish I knew then what I know now, you have a great advantage. He doesn't want you to be artificial. He is realizing he made a mistake, but he doesn't want you to change who YOU are because of that. I did the same thing, trying to do everything perfectly that I thought would make him happy. Of course 180's should be in full effect, however do it naturally ok. You're doing great and I think things are progressing well.

As for the C. I think this is detrimental in the M, however I don't know how to handle this sitch in regards to conveying this to your H. Hopefully someone can help in that area, I would like to see what would be the best way to handle that.