Hey, hope you don't mind me butting in, but Lost seems to be off here for today, and I didn't want you to think no one was listening. How do you get to hear his voicemail?Does he know you check it? Is he working in another state, or does he live there? Ah, the single buddies. Before my H and I seperated, there seemed to be a sepeartion/divorce disease bug going around. seemed like every time he came home from work he told me about another guy he knew that was splitting with his wife. We were next. So, now all his "single" buddies band together and they go out whoopin it up. Its like the secret brotherhood of the recently unwed. Thats probably your H's motive operandi. As for how those women get his number, he gives it to them, probably in front of his buddies so he doesn't look like a wussy.If you trwo are working on your M, I doubt he is calling them back, and you would be able to tell by the messages they leave. If they are saying Hey baby you were great last night, or I can't make that dinner date, you've got your answer. If they are just saying hey call me, he is probably not. Panic can set in easy. Why is he not calling you? Are you calling him all the time? Does he talk to your kid on a regular basis? One of the hardest things for me to do is NOT call. I miss my H and would give anything to have him call every day. I have to fight every day not to call and just say hey whats going on. Will your H be coming back to your state soon? If he broke up with OW , chances are he is done with her. You need to follow the advice I have been gettig here- friendly, act as if, and make your life worth living for you (this is tough when all you think about is HIM) .One of the things that I have been told is that eventually all those single buddies find something else to do. Every night can't be Saturday night. You may need to call him regarding your child, when you do, act totally upbeat, say that things are good there, maybe mention something fun you've done, and you end the call first. DO NOT ask what he has been up to. Do not ask when he coming home. No relationship talk. (I know all this is sooooo hard, It takes so much out of me I fel like I worked out for an hour after a phone call)But it seems to be working for so many other people here. And the very worst scenario is they don'tr come back but maybe we can be better if we work on ourselves. I am trying so hard to do this. Its such a struggle when you know they are out there having blast while you cry yourself to sleep. You have a child to live for. Join something, work out look your best, I find that when I look really good it just boosts my PMA .I will keep a good thought for you.
can you read my sitch in newcomers called positive/negatives.....(don't know the rest) so you can see whats going on there...I also don't want to hijack lost's thread....PLEASE HELP ME, I AM DYING!!!!!!
H-29
amIow(me)-30
son-8
married 8 yrs
"together" 10 yrs
Sportster Good for you girl! You did a great job the other night!!! But I will say after he left you shouldnt have dwelled on it to much, I know harder said then done. Because you allowed youself to read into something that may not have been there. He could have truly had a bad day and didnt want to ruin the plans you guys had by being in a bad mood and who knows maybe it was a problem with OW and he just had to have time to himself to really think about things and you did the right thing by giving it to him! Keep up the good work!!! ATO Your not hijacking my thread one bit! I will read your thread today. What I can say of what you have told me here is it sounds like your H is "testing the waters" of singlehood and seeing if its what he really wants or not especially since there is more then 1 woman now BUT sportster maybe on to something in the fact that yeah he maybe getting calls from these women BUT is he really calling them back?? And I know what you mean about the divorce bug, my H had 2 buddies that recenetly before we split had split from their wife and long time gf so guess he wanted to check it out to, although 1 of those 2 friends repeatedly would tell H dont do what I did so guess it finally sunk in. I have to take YOUR advice and stop talking about OW with H. It seems I do it everyday and how can I honestly expect him to forget about her when Im always bringing her up and reminding him? Im still feeling kinda insecure and I think its starting to annoy him a bit. I know its only been a week but I find that Im always asking him are you happy? And maybe being a little too affectionate and last night he said he was kinda weirded out by all the affection I have been giving him because I wasnt always like that and he doesnt know how to handle it and he said dont try so hard just be yourself Im not going anywhere. And I told him yeah I have been a bit more affectionate but I said its just because I have missed kissing you hugging you kinda stuff and yeah maybe a bit to of the trying to hard so I have to relax just enjoy things and take things as they come and STOP TALKING ABOUT OW! She is gone and not coming back and as H says its in the past this is now and lets start from here. I know it bothers H to about the 2 guys I went with for a bit and had "relations" with but he says he doesnt think about it that he knows that I am with him now. SO I have to take that same mentality. Good news! H got a job!! It took him 2 days to get one (how funny he was in NC for 2 weeks and not 1 job offer!!) So he is happy about that. The only thing is he doesnt know when he can make an appt with C since this new job is construction they all leave from the job site together and come back at the end of the day and the end of the day depends on if job was done or dusk. So he starts on Monday and he is going to see how the schedule works out and if he is getting off about 6pm or so consistantly then he will make his appt for then. He has to report every morning at 6:45am! OUCH! Just glad he has a job! I asked yesterday about the C and he said one thing at a time I got a job and now I will do C let me just see how the whole scheduling thing goes but I will make an appt because I need to and we need to do this as well. LostInFl
Good news on the job! That's definitely got to help. If it's alright, I just want to raise a point on what you said about your H being "weirded out" with the affection. Aren't we (the LBS) suppose to be making positive changes, doing 180's? I'd say "weirded out" may not necessarily be a bad thing. Just my opinion. But, it does sound like things are definitely looking good for you both. Hang in there!
Destin Yeah your right I mean H did say he just isnt use to me being so affectionate because I wasnt so much so in the past. I talked to him today and I apologized for going a bit weird last night and said that it was fine he wasnt mad just a bit annoyed and I said yeah I know and I understand I even get annoyed with myself to sometimes. So baby steps baby steps. Him and some of his friends are going riding tomorrow on their dirt bikes (we went out yesterday riding and Im sore to boot too!) but a big step for him was he asked me if it was ok that this ride is a "guy thing" and I said yeah sure of course. Before he would have just told me he was going riding. Its good Im glad he needs to spend time with his friends again I mean we have been in each others pocket since last thursday and he has kept S3 this whole week with him so he deserves a day hehe. And it will give me a chance to start really cleaning the house and putting stuff together that is going into the garage sale next weekend. LostInFl LostInFl
You're right lost, they do need their "guy time". Like you said, at least he considered you enough to ask you if you minded. Baby-steps is right! I'd settle for a dangling toe in the water about now.
I can identify with the H being weirded out by the affectionate behavior. When I confronted H and told him he had to break it off with OW, I was a real mess. I knew that one of the things I had been doing wrong before the A was not being attentive to his needs. So as a 180 (I didn't call it that, then) I was hovering over him, being extremely helpful. I really wanted to climb in his pocket and know where he was and what he was doing all the time. I was attempting to use the Light His Fire techniques of prais and admiration and physical touching, among other things.
I probably should have held off on some of that stuff until he got over some of the shock of having to cut off his R with OW. I came across as smothering, and perhaps just a little mental. Heck, I was very mental!
Now, 2 1/2 months later, my admiration and helpfulness are a little less overwhelming to him (I hope). Or maybe it's because I don't give the appearance of being ready to cry at the drop of a hat. Thank you, antidepressants!
I still say, affection is GOOD. Don't stop it if you don't want to stop it! He'll just have to get used to it!
Stillgrowing, I dont want to give up on the affection I guess I just didnt realize before how much I like giving it you know until it was gone. But I guess the parts in intamicy I get insecure about. And getting personal here, like when we ML and if he closes his eyes (not while kissing other times) I think is he thinking of her. Also last night while ML I was kissing him and he said we dont have to kiss all the time and that freaked me a bit. (of course afterwards when I mentioned it because it upset me a bit he said what were you doing right before I said that and I was like OOOHHH ok well I dont like you kissing me after you do that to so I understand )And then there is his lack of touching intimately with me, then I think before we Seperated I was the typical receive all and give none so maybe he is "testing" me to see if that part of me has changed you know?? But I still wonder is it because she was better you know all those mind games, but just have to get over that with time LostInFl
you will stop thinking about that in time. Something that helped me was to decide that I was going to be the best and I started researching and trying some new things--and he REALLY likes that! It's the best it has been in the 10 years we have been together!
molliew if you dont mind me asking what things did you research?? Any advice on that would be great, I do have a book how to be a great lover which IM reading Lost
.I will keep a good thought for you. 
)And then there is his lack of touching intimately with me, then I think before we Seperated I was the typical receive all and give none so maybe he is "testing" me to see if that part of me has changed you know?? But I still wonder is it because she was better you know all those mind games, but just have to get over that with time