Sounds like you need one too...(((((((LIF))))))). My H also said we "weren't getting along that good" before the bomb...I guess in his mind a couple a little spats are something to end a marriage over. I always try to remember..."believe nothing they say and half of what you see" when I hear things like that. Hang in there.
AMI and LR04, Thanks you guys for the (((((((()))))))'s
AMI-Wow my sitch IS very similar to the 1st seperation you and your H went through! Its amazing how our H's fall in love so quickly when someone new gives them a little bit of attention when the H's are so unhappy with themselves and they think that having someone new will fix it. Its amazing how they "makeup" things to justify what they are doing you know. And my H told me as well that he doesnt ever see us getting back together again that he sees his future with OW well now he has been living with her for 2 weeks and he has yet to get a job up there hehe. He has alot of time to think all day while the OW is at work and he is job searching. And I hope your right that things can change quickly And also IF he did choose to be with us then darn right he is going to have to earn it back Im not going to just open up the door and say welcome home honey he has to prove not just to me but to our S3 as well! And that means counseling and dating me Because IF he does want to try and reconcile I NEVER want to go through this again!!! I couldnt bare it!!!!! I will check out your thread AMI!
LR04- yes I constantly say to myself believe nothing you hear and half of what you see! When ever I hear things like from H's sister that H told her that he and OW are very happy and that his mind is made up completely about being with her. Of course he is going to say that! If he said no not really happy then that means he would have to admit that he may have made a mistake and made a bad decision. Also if he is so happy then why when I ask his sister did he sound happy she said I couldnt tell, if he is so happy then he should sound it to right! And I spoke with SIL yesterday and told her H called and she actually asked me did he sound happy to you and I said he almost sounded happy to get my call with a very upbeat hey but above that I dont know I really didnt talk to him. I will stop over at your thread as well LR04! LostInFl
Yes, our H's are suffering from low self esteem, and are in for a rude awakening when they realize that their happiness has to come from within. I totally agree re: having to earn his way back into your life. I believe if I had done that the first time, I would not be right back in the same situation again. My H had no real consequences, therefore he now has no real fear of losing me. He may feel he can come back when he gets good and ready.
Also, I believe that when a person is truly happy you CAN hear it. They will NOT have to persuade anyone into believing they are happy, you will sense a difference within that person. I sometimes feel sorry that they are now truly living a lie and it is killing them inside.
Thanx for stopping by my thread, I replied to you there.
Hope your day is well
AMI
H-29
amIow(me)-30
son-8
married 8 yrs
"together" 10 yrs
AMI My H actually told me once that he had low self esteem for himself especially after we split up he never told me that before. He was mad at himself for not graduating H/S gaining weight, and feeling like he hasnt accomplished anything. I know he put weight on through the years but honestly I never really noticed I was always very attracted to him. And I always tried to tell him I would support him if he wanted to get his GED but he always put it off. And not accomplishing anything he has accomplished so much in his life especially with where he came from he even put an addition on our home all on his own!!! But he still feels worthless to himself and he has told me that I dont deserve him that I deserve more then he could ever give me and I told him that he gave me the life I always dreamed of having I couldnt have asked for more. Anyways these are things that he is dealing with now and unfortunatly he has to live with OW to deal with them but hopefully and praying that he will soon realize that OW isnt all she's cracked up to be and that his heart leads him back home to his family LostInFl
Just journaling... Im really missing my H right now and I figured I better sit here and post rather then fall victim to calling him i want to hear his voice so bad right now its killing me, sitting here in tears trying to work through this moment. I just want to talk to him but I know I cant this is so hard I dont know if I can do this much longer I want my H back so bad I literaly feel like a part of me is dying. Everyone says how strong of a person I am but I dont know how much longer I can hold up being strong. I just want to collapse with all this pain Im feeling I feel so alone and abandoned at the moment by the one person I thought would never abandon me. I put my whole body and soul into loving this person and now they are gone and probably gone for good. I just dont know if H will ever want to try and get his family back and Im so close to just totally giving up that he will want us back too. I just wish he would realize what a great family we had and that IT IS worth try to save!!! Ok feeling a bit better not much but a bit LostInFl
Wow what a difference 1 night makes! I was dropping S3 off at daycare this morning and who would call me but H. Told me he made a mistake things are pretty bad up there with OW they fight all the time she tells him he doesnt do anything and critizes him and he said he has just been doing alot of thinking and just realizing that it wasnt what he thought it would be that he has only been there 2 weeks and they fight all the time. OW went to bed pissed last night and just got up and left this morning he told her we are going to talk today. He said he is packing up his stuff and heading back to FL. He is calling his old job to see if he can go back and I asked him if he thought our R is something he thinks he wants to try and save and he said yes and also asked about C and he said definitly!! YeHA my H is heading home!!!!! LostInFl
Oh he also said that the D papers were due back by Tuesday and I asked him does he still want to do this and he said no not really!!! YES YES YES!! LostInFl
I know it's exciting and I'm very happy for you. I'd suggest you re-read the section in DR on taking it slow and also some of the threads on rebuilding.
Ohio Yes definitly taking it slow thats for sure I dont want to mess this up one bit!!! I even told him that he probably shouldnt come home home right away just so we could adjust slowly to being a couple again and he said ok what ever it takes. And yes going to keep up the best PMA I can! LostInFl
And also IF he did choose to be with us then darn right he is going to have to earn it back Im not going to just open up the door and say welcome home honey he has to prove not just to me but to our S3 as well! And that means counseling and dating me 
