H came over last night to see S3 when he brought him back he initiated a conv. Starting off first with I look good am I doing ok and I said trying but not totally ok. ( I did send him an email which I will attach) He said he got my email and said it really touched him and said it looks like alot of thought went into it. He went on to say that he has been looking to God for help (he has never been spiritual) and that he has been talking with someone about that and he even has a bible now. But he still feels he needs to leave that he needs to straghten things out in his life and that right now what he wants is to be with OW although he has had doubts about it but he has to go with how is feeling right now. Also shared that there are jealousy issues in their R both with her and her with him (his and I's closeness and him wondering if she will go back to her H) Also states that there are things he needs to deal with and confront i.e. his bad R with his stepmom and no R with his mom. And also how he wants to get his GED and go back to school. I told him that I just wished he felt he could accomplish those things here but that I know he cant and that no matter how hard it is for me to let him go that that is something I have to do and maybe it will bring us back together and maybe it wont although I was still hoping that it would. I think he knows deep down that the thing with OW isnt going anywhere and its like he has to go up there to get the ball rolling on that you know, but I could be wrong. And I did say to him if I knew what I could say or do to make him fall in love with me again I would do it and he just looked at me and said Time...And as he left I gave him a hug he didnt completely hug me back though and I said that I didnt know what to do and he simply said patiance. So its killing me knowing that as of this weekend he will be living with OW in another state and taking her to a NASCAR race this sunday(Our favorite sport, did I mention she lives in NASCAR mecah!) Time and patience 2 things that this board tells me to have and now H is telling me to have! LostInFl PS here is the email I sent him: First of all, I want you to relax. I know starting to read this letter must be stressful for you, but what's in here comes from deep respect for you, so it should be OK.
I'm sorry. I want to apologize for the things that happened between us that I had a hand in. I know I've said "I'm sorry" to you many times, but I'm writing this so I'm sure I get it right, and you know what I'm sorry about. At the very least, you deserve that.
I'm sorry I wasn't able to show you the affection and closeness you deserved. I was so caught up in my own world that I failed to see how much you needed to talk, hear loving words from me and simply be held. I wish I had opened up to you, because I needed it, too.
I'm sorry I ever took you for granted. I'm ashamed of myself especially for this, because you are handsome, intelligent, and sexy and you should never have to doubt how truly amazing you are.
I'm sorry I never really heard what you were saying when you were desperately asking me for what you needed. My only consolation is now that I really understand what you were saying, I'm sorry I wasn't a very good friend to you for so long.
I'm sorry I was so often rigid and unreasonable. I see this now as a huge flaw in myself, and as a cowardly way to avoid dealing with changes. Changes that would just have made our life together more fulfilling. I was an unthinking, controlling ass and you were right to be frustrated and expect better of me.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you and show you how proud I was of you, all you've done and all you've become. You've accomplished so much and really come into your own. I admire, respect and look up to you in so many ways. You've become quite an amazing person, and I loved seeing all those things in you.
You've had to take a very painful and difficult step, and are trying to find your way to happiness. Your happiness is very important to me, and I have faith that we will both be OK, either together or apart. I see so many qualities in you for me to admire, respect and love you. I will always be your greatest fan. I know you feel that I don’t deserve you that I deserve better but if I had to do it all over again and know in the end this is were we would be today I would still have chosen you to share my life with.
I'm sorry I didn't let you see that before.
I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you find that happiness that you are looking for
***Someone on one of these bb's actually wrote something very similiar but said everything I wanted to say but didnt know how to
