I have been reading your thread, looking at the problems you had with your H. For a while I decided to impliment some of the things that other people have had success with. It's like, read, try things, see what results I get, what works, what does not work, then post here. I did not want to be a whiner, so I felt reluctant to post for a while.
Many of the things you said your H did or did not do that left you feeling ignored, disrespected, and not being validated, I plead guilty to having been involved in a similar manner. W does them too.
I also have been reading Sage's post. Wow, detail, detail, and more detail. Compared to Sage, I am a simple person. I only see the detail of my life after reading about it in post's like Sage's.
One of my frustrations with W' zoo WAS getting better. Three old cats died recently. Sorry to see them in a disabled state just before their death, but glad to get rid of the "accidents" (according to W's way of thinking) they had on the carpet. One dog had to go because of niping the grand daughter. Very very good adult's dog, not so good with 2yr old's pulling hair.
Anyway, a kitten shows up on our deck. W has to rescue it and make sure it is cared for, then she will see whose cat it is. Well, you guesed it, she is attached to the cat. She is not looking for the owner. Even the cat chasing dog likes the cat and they are starting to be buddies. I told W I did not want another cat urinating on things but it loooks like the cat is staying. I am going to ask some of the neighbors if they know who ownes the cat. If I find the previous owner I will take the cat to them. (count=3 cats, 3 dogs, 3 birds, and no fish, down from 13 pets)
I am validating W comments more without feelingI have to act on what she says. She used to say "I wish xxxxx and I thought she was hinting that I should do xxxxx to help her reach her goal.. Now I try to listen and try to not think about helping her reach that goal.
I am still disapointed W will not read any books so we can talk about concepts presented in the book, but hay, it is in the book to not expect spouse to do anything. I have learned to detach more. What W does or does not do affects me less. Trying to get a life, also trying to do more with W. If W says no to activities, thats OK too.
I remember your H and the phone calls you wanted from him when he was out of town. He saw it as you being controling, you saw it as being concerned. I have a similar situation. W tells me when to go to bed which I used to see as controling, especially her tone when she says "GET TO BED." Now I see it as her way of caring about me, but not saying it tactfully.
OOP"s its 2AM again. GGTB (gota go to bed). Maybe next week I can read Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.
OG Lou Kind of difficult to write exactly what I am thinking. I often see other posters write exactly what I feel.
