Underdog wrote: <<<"Maybe we should just get a divorce!>>>
Is there an echo that stretches from MT to Co? I got that line several times when "I" wanted to talk about what "I" saw as a problem in the M. All "I" wanted to do was determine if "WE" could resolve an issue. Her way was to threaten to D out of frustration.
As I said in my origional post, when I agreed it might be better if she did buy a no-maintenance condo for herself and the zoo she quit the "do you want a D" stuff.
My contribution to the problem is W thinks I have time for everyone else but her. It started dating. I would be with her every day of the week when not working. I finally said to her tuesday and wedensday evening I have to do things for me like clean, repair the car, etc. Once the kids came along, I felt I had to earn the money for extras by working overtime. I always worked at home on relatives, friends, and neighbors cars.
That put a little ice in the R. The more I worked, the more she wanted/spent. I got to the point that I started to think why work, she will only want more. I wish she would have said what she really wanted was my time and attention. Problem was when I quit spending with my money, she started buying on credit, then her spending inherentance money.
<<<So what are you doing to take care of Lou?>>> I am reading here on the BB, the books, going to lunch 1X week with a auto mechanic I worked with in 1985. Son telling me about the good time he had at bike event in Moab UT.
I am also paying more attention to W when/where I can. It took a while for some small payoffs. I still refuse to go shopping for shoes when W has 20+ pairs. In general not participating in W's excessive behaviors.
I have adoped the attitude I will be fine with her if things continue to improve and fine by myself if they don't. I really could live in my van, camping trailer, or until I found a old house that needed some repairs. Hay, I ate PBJ or cheese sandwiches for lunch most of my school years. It does not take much to keep me happy.
I did read some of your old posts, which I should have done before I asked the question about your situation.
<<<Laying land mines... well, I'm a reformed crazymaker>>> My question to you. What should your H have done or said to make you reduce or stop the "crazymaking"?
Your reply would look like this: I felt or was _______________ when H did ________________. What I wanted from my H was__________________. (frequency, amount, concrete, measurable items / events). If I got ________ I would have done_____________ for H.
Three most important things, three examples. Not: I was angry with H because H ignored me. Thanks.
<<<No snow until they are headed south again, okay?>>> I will call the weatherman on TV and put in your request. In addition I can recalabrate ( screw in back of display) my barometer so the barometric pressure reads in the low 30's. Barometric pressure of 26" = very stormy, severe hurricane. 30"+ = no cloud in sight, and all hat with a little adjustment. Not saying what the weather will be outside though.
