I read a book about relationship problems. The author's theory was some people come to a relationship and try to repair their childhood.
Issue 1. In my W's case, her dad died when she was about 3 Yrs. Old. So I expect she has some insecurity / abandonment issues. 5 years ago when she would fight with me, she frequently said "Do you want a D" My reply was to say "get reasonable and talk about the issue".
Issue 2. W had a cat and wanted a dog when she was around 10. Her mother said she could have a dog if she gave up the cat. She has felt guilty about taking the cat to the animal shelter. Hence the ZOO. I let her have the 12 animals (with some protests) to help try to heal the guilt she felt (trade in the cat for a dog event) when she was 10.
Issue 3. W wanted to have clothing that the popular kids wore in high school. W's mother bought W clothing at a popular no brand local chain store. W said the popular kids wore clothing from a local, well-respected family name that had an up-scale clothing store.
Issue 4. Different financial backgrounds. W's family was middle income even after her dad died. My dad died when I was 2, my family never had much. W lived 10 blocks from the college but wanted to live in the dorm, so she moved to the dorm (extra fees). She was home when she lived in the dorm. W family always had money to do "want to do" things. My family had money to meet only the necessities.
Issue 5. W had a 5mm breast lump, surgery lumpectomy about 25mm to 30mm, radiation, and estrogen suppressor drugs for 5 years. I guess she thought "I could have died, why work and save, live for today" but she never said that, just acts that way sometimes.
<<<<When I didn't get either from Mr. Wonderful, I went a little nuts. I actually became angry and started laying mines in our marriage landscape>>>>
I did read 5LL and W fits the QT (wants me to focus entirely on her) the best I can determine. W gets anoyed with me because someone calls and I talk to him or her. Deffinatly wants ALL of my attention.
I have read 15+ books about relationships over the last 10 years, listen to radio and TV programs about family and relationships, and even bought an set of introductry level tapes a church was promoting dealing with family and couples counseling.
Sometimes (not very often) W is very all touchy-feely and considerate. Just too many times I feel like I am not making much progress and ask myself if I would be happpier alone. But, still trying things to see what works.
<<<<I actually became angry and started laying mines in our marriage >>>>
What behaviors or things did you do? What made you stop or did H do something to get you to stop? Any "Ah ha" monents for you? Looking for clues to improve my situation.
OG Lou Slide rule formula for determining the volume of a jar. Read the label it is quicker, someone already did the work. Learn from the work of others who have succeeded.
