I worked for Billings Toyota, the dealership that sold Joliet a blue Toyota pickup that the Joliet police used for their radar speed trap back in the 70's. I also knew a guy that worked on the police force there about 5 years ago.
Your are correct, I am working my (AOS) butt off sometimes for very little reward. I have been stopping myself more when it comes to fixing things, or rescuing W form the woes of technology. I am becoming more aware of my rescuing mode as I switch my mental gears to provide W with more WOA.
WOA, I do that when I can and truely mean it. It is difficult for me to act one way when I really feel something different. W tells me she does not believe me sometimes when I try to compliment her. It's the old "Am I fat" word trap you see on TV. If I say you are fat, I am putting you down. If I say you are not fat, then I am lying to you just to get on your good side. My point is, If I fake it I sometimes get caught or get accused of doing something I had no intention of doing.
Once, A friend told me that I did not have to answer her question, she could see the answer written on my face. I often remind myself by saying to myself "You have to do a little acting here."
And when I do say WOA I do not know how much good it does. I guess I will have to keep doing it and not try to guage the effect. I know these things take time and favorable results build gradually.
I get "thank yous" now for AOS, which is a big improvement over what used to happen, the old W would have said "I would have done it this way." I told her how I felt when she said that and stated my intentions and wishes for her response.
I am not trying to creat the impression that W is an old crank or I am the perfect H, just that there are issues and insults that most people would mot subject their friends to. I ask myself "shouldn't sopuses treat their married partner better than they treat a friend." I suspect if W had posted here her complaint / problem list would would include some harsh criticisms of me.
The spending thing is a big deal for me. I see money as a tool, if used wisely it will take you where you want to go, and do the things you want to do. A one pound hammer drives nails fine, the hammer I bought in 1960 works as well as the hammer I bought in 2004 for the little I use it.
Some guys at work have said " If I do not spend a hundred dollars when I go out, I never have fun." I do not get it! I can have fun drinking a Coke, discussing how things work, and laughing with friends, for the cost of a case of Coke / beer and some munchies.
<<<would your wife maybe read a book like Smart Women Finish Rich? >>>>
W bought Suzy Orman financial planning box set (6 CD's 6 booklets)about 2 years ago. Suzy was selling the set on QVC. W only read a little of the material and never listened to the 6 CD's. So to answer your question. Good option but probally no, but it is worth a try because Suzy's materials take a while to go through.
I will continue to read and try new things based on the reactions from W. A college class in Applied Behavior Analysis comes to mind. Short version: If you do plan "A" and get 5 favorable reactions in the test peroid and yor do plan "B" and get 6 favorable reactions in a test peroid, use plan that results in the most favorable results. IE Ways to avoid cheeseless tunnels, quit trying things that did not work and try something new. Measure the results. Little improvements over a long time lead to major change in a lifetime.
