I have not posted on here for a while but i have been reading the posts. I have been really trying to get the ball rollong on changing my LD. Things are still not great between me the W though. W bought the book "Passinate Marriage:, I asked her to read some of it to me yesterday which did not last long as the kids came home I also read some of the 1st chapter last night. There are a lot of things that i have read so far that fit me. I really want things to work out with us but it is definetly going to be a very tough road to travel. I am getting ready to retire from the military andlooking for a new carrer which is putting a great deal of stress on both of us.
One of the major problems I see that we (I mean me) are having is that well let me just give you an example....
A couple of days ago the W and I were having a pretty good day. Started out with W starting to give me a BJ until my parents showed up for the weekend (yes we new they were here but were unsure of when they were coming over).We were being affectionate and everything all day. I had to go and help my dad clean out the garage of their old house and the W went shopping with my mom. When we finally got back together that night the parents had bought steaks and we had a BBQ at our house with the kids and everything. By the time everything was said and done and everyone went on their way the W had said to me several times that she was exhausted, I knew she still wanted to mess around that night. But when we went to bed I just laid there and looked at her while she went to sleep. I know the best thing I could have done was ask W if she still wanted to ML but I could not bring myself to as I was afraid I would have to take a shot to make things work as I was not really in the mood anymore.
So that being said how the hell do I change this behavior in me?
Quote: I know the best thing I could have done was ask W if she still wanted to ML but I could not bring myself to as I was afraid I would have to take a shot to make things work as I was not really in the mood anymore.
Jesus, TL, If I had to stick a needle in my d**k to get an erection, I might not be "in the mood" either.
I don't know if I mentioned this in your other thread. Go get a book called "Rekindling Desire" by the McCarthys. It's a much easier read (less interesting though) than "Passionate Marriage". It is also more applied. Read closely about non-demand pleasuring. If you applied their suggestions, you might be able to get out of the ditch and back on the road.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
SM, Actually the shot is not that bad, it is just uncomfortable for a second or two. I was more meaning that I was worried that after the day we had that W might get upset if I took a shot thinking that i was not in the mood. SO in this lies the problem
Quote: Read closely about non-demand pleasuring. If you applied their suggestions, you might be able to get out of the ditch and back on the road.
Yeah, like a LDS is going to initiate non-demand pleasuring. H**L will freeze over first. And looked at the other way, the HDS ALWAYS initiates non-demand pleasuring, and we all know what that gets you. Sorry, a bit frustrated today.
Quote: Yeah, like a LDS is going to initiate non-demand pleasuring. H**L will freeze over first. And looked at the other way, the HDS ALWAYS initiates non-demand pleasuring, and we all know what that gets you. Sorry, a bit frustrated today.
Ok, time out.
Totally_lost is a LDH who has issues that he is trying to address. To my knowledge, he is the only LDM who posts on this bored. He wants so badly to fix things and make them right with his W that he is willing to stick a hypodermic needle in his penis in order to get it up. I don't know about you, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt with regards to his willingness to try things that might work.
T_L, in my book, you got cojones grandes!
SM
BTW GGB, do you demand that your W engage in non-demand pleasuring?
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Totally_lost, I commend you on trying to make things right between you and your W. My H also has erection problems, but has told me right from the start he is NOT willing to stick a needle there, so I really do commend you for your efforts. If W was already asleep when you got to bed, I wouldn't worry about initiating really. Sounds like you both were tired.
But the praise doesn't really help with the problem unfortunately. Any ideas on how I can change my mind set to be more concerned about the W's needs?
Little past history.... In ALL of past relationships I was unfaithful EXCEPT with W when we were in high school. Blew that one when we got back together though.... so that being said I have a long track record of only caring about what I think is right. ANy suggestions???????
annette, She was not tottally aslepp when I went to bed, but I did have a very good idea that she still wanted to ML and I could not bring myself to just ask.
As far your H not wanting to take a shot, it really is not that bad in the grand scheme of things. I have had test done that were a hell of a lot more painful and embarrassing then the shots are. The needle is very small but I do understand H's apprehension, I had a lot myself at first but it is worth the small amount of pain IMO that is.
TL, I don't have any answers for you--just a comment: You really seem to put yourself through a "head trip" as you struggle with your selfishness and your guilt.
I hope you can work it out so that you can have more joy in life; that is, if you can let yourself have that joy.
IHJ, Thanks for the comments. I truely hope I can to as my W deserves a hell of a lot better life than what she is getting from me, but I want to be the one to give it to her.
I also read some of the 1st chapter last night. There are a lot of things that i have read so far that fit me. I really want things to work out with us but it is definetly going to be a very tough road to travel. I am getting ready to retire from the military andlooking for a new carrer which is putting a great deal of stress on both of us. 
