Questions, questions. I'm sure you've thought of twice as many. Was the man drunk? Etc.
Your H sure is a fraidy-cat sometimes, isn't he (so's mine by the way). "Protecting" you from whatever knowledge=he doesn't want to have to deal with your feelings. Sigh. So, I guess I would say that you need to make it "safe" for him to share by giving him some space and not pursuing it anxiously. Maybe in a few days, ask casually if he's ready to share.
As for dealing with ex-ow's H, how worried are you about a repeat of the vandalism or an escalation to violence? Would the police do anything about yelling on the phone? One thing you can do is write it down in a journal or diary. H should write down exactly what was said. This can be a legal record later of what happened.
((((((Slowly))))))) I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this.
