Someone recently recommended Stephen Mitchell's "Can Love Last? The Fate of Romance Over Time" to me as a high-level and worthwhile read. I haven't read it so can't give my own review. From what one person wrote on Amazon, the main premise seems to be that
The most common motivation for coupling is the perceived need for security most people associate with connectedness to another person. Romance is not associated with security, however, it is associated with risk and unknowing. In the end, the need to acquire security via knowing all the details about the beloved, i.e. objectivity or elimination of the 'unknown', overwhelms romantic love. Generally, individuals who grew up in chaotic situations have an excessive need eliminate the unknown and are therefore very likely to kill romantic love.
Apparently Mitchell argues that the illusion of security is something we need to overcome in order to grow up and also to sustain the passion and romance over the long haul.
Don't know if this is relevant to your current musings about NG and the loss of trust and innocence in your "new" relationship. I do know that the mutual co-dependence that H and I developed is very much related to this. I think he thinks that he doesn't have this with OW....he is freer....even though, as my C says, "she has him by the balls." Ugh.
Anyway, I've got the book on order and Maya plans to read it too.
Ugh. 
