Quote: Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Or are you worried about a habit of lying, even about the small stuff? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes, I guess this is my concern. But I do think I need to get under the words and see what is prompting them. I have no idea where to start, though
This is what really got (& still gets)me and I have even talked to him about it when we were still living together. If you lie about small, unimportant stuff, how will I know if the 'big' stuff is real or a lie? He never had an answer to that. In fact everytime I 'busted' him on a lie, he would get super defensive and it would set us back miles. I had to learn to stop confronting him in hopes of finding some other path to honesty & for me 'security'.
I still have no answer to that question, so I was 'forced' to try something different. Try to get to the root and take away any of the ways I may have contributed to it. I desperately try to 'see' things from different perspectives in hopes of finding some logic to it all. I know that the examination of my own issues has uncovered 'fear' in a lot of what I was doing & saying - so, I am testing this theory on the issue of his lying. In my sitch I think I underestimated how much he seeks my approval & when he felt he was getting it, I think he resorted to some of the small lies as a way to lessen my 'stature' in his eyes. Like he could outsmart me. It does sound very odd as I write it out, but I do see some very specific examples of this back in the day.
The temptation to set him up is still there and I often slip up. But overall I would say that limiting my contribution to it, and backing way off from letting him know that I am still super-vigilent has helped (I think ).
Let's keep comparing notes and see if we can help work through this issue. For me it is a BIG issue overall even though many of the specific or incidents are small.
).
