Hi Deb - The what-to-do, what-not-to-do question is such a vexing one.
Quote: Is your H predictble in his responses? Sometimes it seems mine changes so much from day to day, it's hard to know what to do.
Ditto. It used to frustrate me no end when his response was different from what I expected; what I was used to. Then, I cottoned on to the fact that just as I have changed, so has he. Hence the 'New Guy' label When I remember to think, I approach him as I would an interesting new guy, and am no longer 'expecting' a particular response, just taking his input for what it is. It really is tricky, knowing when it is appropriate to rely on my 20+ years' knowledge of this guy, versus when to go with the flow, and act as if it is a constantly renewing relationship.
Take for example a small episode with the lawyer's cheque for the flat we are selling. Pre-bomb, I was the paperwork gofer. As hard as it is to see things get disorganised, I have dropped this particular rope. NG casually mentioned a couple of days ago that the cheque needed to be sent and I agreed, and changed the subject. Finally yesterday, he says quietly, would I write out the cheque as his writing is hardly legible anymore. I asked him to sit with me so we get the details right, which he did quite happily. In this case, me not assuming - that it was my responsibility when he first mentioned the cheque - or that he thought it was 'my job' - helped a lot. It is so hard re-learning how to think like a newbie, but mostly it comes down to doing nothing, and accepting the consequence that though the outcome is not as we would have normally liked, it is nevertheless a perfectly acceptable outcome.
When I remember to think, I approach him as I would an interesting new guy, and am no longer 'expecting' a particular response, just taking his input for what it is. It really is tricky, knowing when it is appropriate to rely on my 20+ years' knowledge of this guy, versus when to go with the flow, and act as if it is a constantly renewing relationship.
