A few months ago, Betsey very wisely asked me to 'trust the process" and I am so glad I took her advice; what started off as a journey to fix my marriage has turned out to be a far more significant voyage of discovery and re-alignment Interestingly, I just saw my Cainercast for the day:
Where do you come from? Try again. The answer you have just given is interesting and true, as far as it goes, but that's not where you come from. It's just a place where you previously found yourself. Where were you before that? And what were you? The fact that it is impossible to answer such a profound, cosmic question doesn't detract from the need to ask. Indeed, it makes it all the more vital. As too, does the growing realisation that you are perhaps identifying too narrowly, with something too restricting.
Hmmm. The thread that Sage and Pam started last week on dbing 'ourselves' started me on the path of consolidating some random thoughts, feelings that I've been wrestling with for a while. Then there was the discussion about how we handle parents over at Bets' - here is her response, and I wanted to bring it over here so I can focus a little more
Quote: Slowly, I'm totally at a loss to understand why parents do that sort of thing. I have enough exposure in the special needs world to have learned that children crave touch and love... and when they are denied either (or both), tend to have attachment difficulties or disorders.
I saw your journaling on your thread, and I guess I'm wondering if you might also have some big abandonment issues that are surfacing with NG? Hey, I know firsthand that I've had them for a lifetime. They're finally out on the table, and I'm finally tackling that demon. Though I will admit that this is going to be an uphill struggle for the rest of my life.
As a dear friend of mine suggested a few weeks ago, I need to take care of this business in order to get close to others. I saw that one loud and clear, and I'm processing how my fears trigger some pretty awful dynamics.
Someone told me that there are differences in dysfunction. A functioning dysfunctional attempts to resolve the fears that pop up along the way so they can become more emotionally healthy. A dysfunctioning dysfunctional refuses to do so.
I'd say that most of us here are the former, don't you think? If not, we'd have never embarked on this journey. Face it, most of us here have been MORE than willing to address our issues and tackle them head on. We might have done it with great reservation or even unwillingness, but we did it. And that's what counts in the end.
I know, intellectually, that I've been keeping the lid on 'abandonment issues' - but I guess tha fact that I was ready to write about its genesis means it is time to tackle them. I have no idea how, but I'm now in the consciously-incompetent quadrant with regard to this one.
Its way past my bedtime; NG is fast asleep from taking his knock-out meds - poor babe, his chest does not seem to be getting better at all. I was planning to stop here for just a couple of minutes, but sometimes, we find the pull stronger, don't we?
Interestingly, I just saw my Cainercast for the day:
