Quote: I hope you find somethings -- whatever they are -- to help with the anxiety. One thing I've found to be true for me is that it does get a bit easier AND each time I get thru a rough patch well I can look back and think "yah, I did that".
the temptation to cancel my work appointments, and take the next flight out to join NG is so strong, BUT, I have to learn to live with the uncertainty of what he is up to while not withing sight of me, so the learning might as well begin now
One topic that I did not have the courage to dive into related to anger - why we anger, and that perhaps it is easier to be angry than to reconcile our own insecurities.
Quote: When we get angry and focus on the behavior of the other person, we are being dishonest. Because we are truly angry with how we feel. Yes, they may trigger those negative feelings. But it's much more fair if we can say to them instead, "When you walk away from me in the middle of a conversation, I feel ignored and unimportant. And it makes me sad. Instead of telling you that you're a rude a*hole for walking away, I need to tell you how I feel when you do that."
Just as anger management, I believe feeling management can be developed. Now, I find myself asking the question "how do I feel about this' before I go down the path of judging someone else. Happy to say I've rescued myself from a lot of heartache and erroneous conclusions
The anxiety that I felt wash over me as NG was leaving on his week long trip was quite overwhelming. Strangely, I was focused on the narrow scope of 'is OW joining him' which then broadened into 'has she left her husband - the only way she could travel' to 'what else has NG not told me' Of course, all this is manifestation of the fact that I no longer find myself able to believe him. And am feeling frustrated with myself for still wanting to believe him, when his recent behaviour indicates that he does not value my trust. It is my limitations that are frustrating me - my inability to develop a relationship with NG that does not have 'trust' at its core. Not quite sure how I can go about enjoying my time with him, without getting hung up on those things which may in fact not be make-or-break issues.
So this week now looks like a gift of time and space to ponder on these sometimes esoteric points.
Of course, all this is manifestation of the fact that I no longer find myself able to believe him. And am feeling frustrated with myself for still wanting to believe him, when his recent behaviour indicates that he does not value my trust. It is my limitations that are frustrating me - my inability to develop a relationship with NG that does not have 'trust' at its core. Not quite sure how I can go about enjoying my time with him, without getting hung up on those things which may in fact not be make-or-break issues. 
