Happy Friday everyone Though today is the last day of our holiday here in the cottage, so we are both a little sad. It may be another 6 months before we are back here, but I guess its something to look forward to. Nice night, nothing heavy or spectacular, just the normal tight hug and being held all night, which I so appreciate, and will never again take for granted.
Having had some more time to cogitate over Bets' observations, I tried reaching out to NG this morning. No expectations, just an ILY. And wow, I got back such a heartfelt 'snog' and ILY back - makes me think that he really is wanting me to initiate, maybe a little concerned that I may be having second thoughts?
I've also been noticing that some of his reticence is not about me, its just his nature to be understated, and not take the initiative. For example his family. So far, we have not visited his 90+ year old grandma, but have seen his aunt 3 times. The difference? His aunt has been calling, emailing and inviting us over. His grandma was probably a little pre-occupied when he called her early in our hols, so he is maybe 'afraid' of reaching out. (these guys have a history of hit-and-miss family sagas)
A BIG 180 for me - I used to take on the task of organising these family get togethers. And carry the can for anything not going quite to plan, and tension that might crop up. I put myself in the position of the 'proposer' and gave NG the upper hand of being able to accept or reject. No more. Now, he is making decisions about his side of the family, and I can see that this new path is something he is struggling with. But bless him, he is rising to it.
So we continue, learning a little more each day. I'm keeping a tighter lid on my expectations, as this seems to be where I fall apart, when I let the good times lull me into expecting more. NG is a wonderful guy, with some problems. We are lucky that we both want this to work. I think he can learn to be more honest. I think I can learn to make it easier for him to open up.
We had a lie in, and now its time to go heat up some oats for porridge. Its wintry here, and we are warm and cosy indoors. Bliss. Slowly
Though today is the last day of our holiday here in the cottage, so we are both a little sad. It may be another 6 months before we are back here, but I guess its something to look forward to. Nice night, nothing heavy or spectacular, just the normal tight hug and being held all night, which I so appreciate, and will never again take for granted. 
