Hi Betsey - Your post, as always, is both timely and on the mark. I wonder if we were siblings in a previous birth - you seem to turn up just when I need your particular wisdom most It was important for me to hear that I am here out of choice. And I think for now, I'm happy with this choice.
Yesterday was 'interesting'. For both of us, birthdays have been pretty low key affairs - we tend to buy each other gifts as and when we feel like it, as opposed to marking specific dates. This year, however, with me and F organising our party last Saturday, I knew NG was feeling 'peer pressure' to get me something for my birthday. As I planned to pop out in the morning, he asked me to hang around till noon for a 'delivery' with a somewhat sheepish look on his face. Of course, I got the largets bunch of flowers with two boxes of chocolates. No note though. I admit, I was letting my expectations run away with me, and got a little teary because there was no tenderness all day, and no words with the gift. He saw me less than happy and so the 'discussion' began.
Another thing that has been preying on my mind is the fact that NG had moved OW's contact numbers on his cell from 4 different entries into one consolidated one. No I was not snooping, technically. We both agreed that both our cells are now 'communal'. So since Tuesday when I saw this I have been off colour. In the poast he maintained that he had not got round to deleting unused numbers, but yesterday could not explain why they were refreshed - a big difference from not getting round to deleting Not my best dbing, but I guess I needed him to hear what was bothering me, especially as he was adamant that he did not want to talk about anything to do with 'us' and that time will help 'things' settle down.
Then we got to the subject of our asset which is now in his sole name. Boy, the defensiveness from him was something to behold. If I did not trust him, that after 5 years, we needed to update the legal title, if there was no trust, then why continue? Why not call it a day now? I've heard this before of course, and 6 months ago, took this line seriously, but now understand that his stance is a mask for fear. So, a couple of hours of my tears, his temper and sullen postures, and we somehow muddled through. One interesting question he asked me was why I was still pursuing a relationship with him, when he expected me to be bitter, as he was now feeling bitter about what he had done.
We seem to have cleared the air somewhat, less tension today, and I guess I need to once again sift through what was said, and unsaid. I now accept that limbo is not so bad, because we both seem to desperately need time to get ourselves sorted. Any thoughts you guys may have would be most welcome
It was important for me to hear that I am here out of choice. And I think for now, I'm happy with this choice.
Not my best dbing, but I guess I needed him to hear what was bothering me, especially as he was adamant that he did not want to talk about anything to do with 'us' and that time will help 'things' settle down. 
