NOP, I don't think that, in general, H is mad at me or carries any resentment towards me. I do think that it is my timing rather than what I am asking for that ticks him off. I don't know if he is aware of it but there is still a lot of residual crap going on at bedtime, even though there is no pressure for sex these days. He hates it that the only time of the day that I ask anything of him also happens to be the only time of day in which he allows himself to relax. I think I do this for two reasons: first of all, it truly IS one of the only times where we are alone and a hug or snuggle is feasible. Secondly, I think that it is just the time of day that I prefer to reconnect with him. He will often come to me for a hug earlier in the day and though I hug back, I do not get as much out of it as I'd like. There is no deep connection when I have kids hanging on my pants' legs. Even when the kids are occupado, I just flat out don't get that warm and fuzzy feeling that I get when we are skin-to-skin, in our bed, with no noise and chaos reigning. To him, the bed is for sleeping. So he definitely gets a huge mad-on when I ask anything of him at the moment that he has finally allowed himself to relax and rest.
I told him last night that he hurt my feelings with that "you give me stress and frustration instead of comfort" line and he didn't even remember saying it. Then he went on to tell me that Thursday (the day he said it) was one of the most hectic and busy days at his work that he can remember in a while. In fact, his company was bought out 2 years ago and last week the new company announced a new CEO. One of the first things that this new guy announced was that they are closing down H's building at some point in the future. So he will be out of a job... sometime . (nothing like specifics to help people adjust to traumatic news, eh!)
This was also the second day of him coming home to my lovely new amusement park, Barfland. Then I start in with my usual demands at bedtime. I think he just wanted to scream at that point.
Now I am not letting him off the hook. I still think that he is obligated to give his wife a hug or snuggle if she needs it, and ESPECIALLY if she has asked for it. That is just cruel to put your neck on the line and ask for something from a loved one and get shot down. It sucks!
But it seems that we were both operating in our own worlds o' misery and, in typical fashion, he retreats and needs alone time and I pursue and need physical contact with him. We are a distastrous match in this respect but we do love each other, so on we go.
