Your H sounds a little like mine, I remember him getting very stressed out when both girls came home and things descended into chaos. I also remember really, really needing a hug and cuddle, and not getting it, and I remember how it felt.
'Fraid I'm not very good at asking for things either, though with H it has to be at a time when things have been pretty calm, I'm in a very good mood and have managed to engage H in some friendly banter first. Then I might be able to slide somthing in sideways without him noticing before it's too late
Any chance you can find someone to watch the older two for a while, to give you and H a chance to be as alone as you can be right now? Your two older ones would probably enjoy getting 'undivided' attention from an adult too, so it would be good for all of you.
Do you have a relative or friend that could come in to help with the housework? I know everyone suggests just letting the house go, and I would have been fine with that, but my H, like yours, gets stressed out over that, and it ended up being better for my sanity to just clean it. H did do stuff too, but it usually ended up making him more stressed out.
I do think it kind of stinks that we moms have to get stretched out and torn up, play cow, deal with hormones, be tired to the point of psycosis, and try to deal with a stressed H.
I guess in the 'old days' that's why all the female relatives piled into the house with a newborn, to take care of the mom. It really is too bad we've lost that sense of community. We can't really expect our Hs to take over all those roles.
