Quote: Is there a way to ask for what you want that leaves both partners feeling satisfied with the results?
Im my opinion, the way to do it is to remove all the "quid pro quo". I am not willing to do a single thing to get my H to have sex with me that does not have to do with sex directly, therefore he does not have any positive reinforcements for sex besides sex. Of course, it's impossible to remove all negative reinforcements because I will have sex with someone else eventually if he doesn't have sex with me and he knows this, but I have tried to remove as much negative reinforcement as possible by making it clear that I will try very hard to do nothing that will make him unhappy if he doesn't want to have sex with me besides having sex with someone else (I won't throw a fit or make his relationship with the kids difficult or make him feel bad about having a low sex drive etc.). Therefore, the only reasons he can choose to have sex with me are because he wants to have sex with me or he simply doesn't want me to have sex with anyone else. IMO wanting to have sex with me or choosing to have sex with me so that I won't have sex with anyone else are so emotionally close, I don't care which is true and I doubt he could even distinguish between these motivators himself. Therefore, I am happy with the results when I ask for what I want (sex) and my H is happy with the results because he has no choice except to be happy with the results if he wants to be in a relationship with me.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
