My methods vary based on many things: sometimes I am direct and say it without emotion. Other times I hint around and hope for the best. Rarely, I will whine and get emotional though this is rare, as it is not really my style.
I am feeling the need to ask H to pay some attention to ME, the person. He is the type of guy who gets so wrapped up in the hecticness of our lives that weeks can go by without him so much as being aware of me. Our lives are super busy these days, that's true, but I am still his wife. He was great the first few days after the baby was born but he has quickly settled into a "just get the kids taken care of" routine and has nothing left for me at ALL. He even said the other night that it is pathetic that I ask for things from him and he never gets around to it cause he is so busy taking care of the kids. Our kids (like all little ones) are indeed time consuming but the greater issue is that H wants to take care of the kids first, then himself, then me. Well, guess who gets the shaft if he is tuckered out!
I ask so little of my H that when I get put off, I really get down in the dumps. Combine that with the natural hormonal whackiness going on, and you have a recipe for an azz kicking.
For instance, last night our D5 had a bout of throwing up. The night before it was D2 doing it. Our house is quite nasty these days and we still have all the newborn stuff to deal with, as well. So things ARE hectic around here and he is doing the best he can to be everything to everyone. So am I.
We collapsed into bed last night and I snuggled up to his body, wanting the solace of an body who was not throwing up, lol. He stiffened, squirmed and basically acted like I was putting him out til I backed off. I said, "I get the impression that my snuggling with you creates more stress than comfort for you." He replied that it did, so long as the kids were throwing up. I said, What do the two things have to do with each other? He said he just cannot relax while they are sick (neither can I but it doesn't stop me from needing HIM). I said that I wished he could find comfort in my arms. We then fell asleep.
I know I sound needy in retelling this. Damn right I am. I have been through a lot in the last 2 weeks and this was my first week alone with all 3 kids, and they come down with the flu! I need him to comfort me. He comforts me via doing things around the house such as the dishes (which I did not get to yesterday) etc, but I need HIM to comfort me with a hug or kiss or snuggle. I need to feel his arms around me..the reassurance would be immediate.
Soooo, how do I ask for this? If I ask, and then he does it, I inevitably end up feeling like I forced his hand. If I don't ask, I continue to feel like I am last on his list. If I hint, he will not get it--or he will ignore it--and I feel worse.
Is there a way to ask for what you want that leaves both partners feeling satisfied with the results?
