JJ, There is nothing attractive about H's LD right now but at some point long ago there must have been a personality trait that appealed to me. He was not LD in the first yrs of our marriage (about 1.5) but in hindsight he didn't have the typical HD guy characteristics either. I'm generalizing here but he was never grabby or handsy, always respectful and polite. He was not aggressive with his sexuality although he definitely loved sex and was very disappointed if a day went by and we did not ML. Here is the really telling part: I loved the fact that H was 'wowed' by me. An HD man would have loved my sex drive but the wow factor would have been gone..he would have a whole bag of tricks of his own and sexual confidence to spare and no need to be in awe. In the early days of our relationship I was definitely the pursuer, the dominant force and H sat back with a contented grin on his face and completely besotted with sex with me. But............that all begins to fade (for the soon-to-be LD partner that is) and the dynamic of being in awe of someone loses its luster, I imagine.
The whole thing sounds pretty stupid in hindsight. It appears that I was very other validated and loved the feeling of blowing his doors off more than I loved the actual sexual dynamics between us. I think that I still crave this validation from him. I still want to blow his doors off but it is increasingly hard to do this over the years. He is accustomed to my body, my sexual moves, etc. Nowadays blowing his doors off is more of a physical release thing rather than a complete mind/body experience. Sometimes we reach that level but not often. NOP mentioned one time that when H's role as provider slows down and he is not so consumed with being a dad and career man that he will naturally gravitate back towards me. I hope so.
What I am trying to say here is that the dynamics between us have as much to do with me as with him. It is easy to pull a Cemar and gripe about his bait and switch but it appears that there is something that I am intentionally choosing in partners and I need to address that, I reckon. I do feel sexy of my own accord, regardless of whether he is fawning all over me (which never ever happens), but I have lost the will to be the pursuer and aggressive one that blows doors off. I want to be pursued now and am disappointed when that doesn't happen. Is this fair of me? Hardly. It's what I signed up for.
