Thanks for linking some of my old threads, i had a quick read and it helped me to realise just how far we have come! Boy there where times when i was in such pain! But now i hardly remember what that was like, but i think that humans are built that why, otherwise we would only have small families!
Sage,
You always have the most thought provoking things to say.
I too think that it is great that H is putting in such effort.
I didn't so much stop doing things when i was in the midst of the crisis i just stopped doing everything!!! After H left, that was the time i spent getting myself back on track. I rediscovered so many of the things that i loved to do and i tried a lot of new things, 180's. Since he has been home though, and being at sea, it makes it difficult to do much of your outside interests, this is one of the reasons I'm looking ofrward to my next posting. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and find it to be very fulfilling, but it does tend to take over your life when your at sea!
I think that i do harbour resentment towards H, but i try to banish it. There is just no point playing the 'what if' game, so i try to go with the this is now! However there are days when i could just rage at him for what he inflicted on our M. In the long run, though, i think we have a real oppertunity here to build the R we want to have, i think that it is just a matter of defining what that is! This is where i think a Counselor may help us. That will come later.
What i may have to do is look at the last 6 months as a bit of settling time. It has been time for the dust to clear and for us both to settle back to being together. I think the next 12 months will be the time for us to really beable to get down and dirty.
I know that i can talk about things much better now and that i don't get as upset or attacking as i once did. Not that i have done that, as i have applied the 'Does this move me closer to where i want to be?' with regards to R talks...... but i think that if we are going to move forward then we are going to have to start examining OR and looking at where we want it to be and making plans (goals) to get us there.
As you can tell, I feeling better today!! Still a bit stuck, but i have my patience back.
I think i need to reread DR and look at getting back to basics.
My love laugages are Conversation and acts of service. I know this and so does he, but for both of us it is difficult to talk the others laugage! I think i need to make more of an effort to converse in his!
Thanks for listening, more comments are welcome, because i am still stuck in the place i was above, but feeling alot more optomistic today.
