I was GBO who brought this idea to my thread and I really have been chewing it over. I think that it has a lot of validity.
There was a companion thought (I am not sure if this was in the article or if it was a GBO original) regarding depression and how in the midst of our spouse's depression they cannot feel love in a stable basic committed way, so they seek it from a more ungrounded volatile source.
I know that this was also true of my H. I also know that H sort of realizes all this, but at this point he sees it through a glass but dimly.
Ever since his A began he has described it as meeting his need for passion in his life. H is a highly creative, passionate person and I am a more rooted, gounded intellectual type. I think, he acts.
I can understand how he was attracted to his ow, and am believing that as he gets to a healthier place in his own life that he will come to realize that she offers a very incomplete package.
Waiting for her antics, childishness, and fireworks to consume and destroy her (or at least her R with my H)is not easy.
Fatal attraction though she is, there are still consequences to be paid all around. I (and H) also watched my FIL carry on a long term A with his fatal attraction, which ended only when my FIL died of a heart attack at age 56. My MIL carries much bitterness about this still.
So I am praying, believing and expecting this to all eventually burn out. But I also realize that it is by no means a foregone conclusion.
Pam 
