Well this is finally it. The day that H returns and we all get to see what it means when he says that he is "coming home."
I am cautiously optimistic, but a little petrified too.
It is sort of like he is acting like nothing ever happened (ok fine I can deal with that for now) but I sort of feel like he is going to be watching and listening...waiting for me to make some mistake that confirms his worst fear that he shouldn't/can't come home.
Way back when we we were in counseling his big thing was that I was too structured, too regimented, and already in the past two days he has told me 2x that I worry too much.
I guess I need to take a deep breath and just let some things go or just have a beer and chill out.
I see so much potential for a new and better R, I just don't want to blow it all by ASSuming anything. And sometimes the taint of OW can just make me crazy.
Another deep breath, this is a process right? And it doesn't all have to look perfect right? This is what I have wanted and prayed for since Aug of 03 and now that it might be here (at H's own initiation and not mine) I am a little scared about exposing myself and being vulnerable.
More deep breaths, well at least I'll be going out with a lot of oxygen in my lungs...
Plan of the day.
My best friend's mom (my best friend is out of the country on sabbatical, has been since Dec 02, her H was my H's best friend and the loss of that R was NOT good for H at all) anyway she is coming down from Illinois to get a haircut and we are either going to have coffee or lunch.
Also, a few errands and then at 5 S12 has a football scrimmage out of town.
