Can you please come live at my house and be my personal dbing coach? You are just the best.
I know your advice is right on and I knew when the phone woke me up that I was probably going to say the wrong thing in the midst of my stupor.
I do try to go out at least one evening per weekend, but last night was not the night.
I also have to balance that against my need to be well rested, this is all very hard emotionally draining work as you know, and the demands of single motherhood can wear me out too.
I don't feel bad about what happened, just heartsick that he is still there when I had ASSumed otherwise.
Sometimes I also feel this stupid need that I have to let H know how I feel, I keep thinking that he is the old H that used to care, not the H in MLC.
Slowly - I did see the walkaway links on your thread. I am going to go over them thoroughly tomorrow when I have more time.
S12 has an away football game today, so time is short.
Slowly, you asked me not to ask him anymore when he is coming home, and I guess I need to abide by that. I was just trying to balance that against my "need to know." I don't want to get caught in my sweatpants when H does show up.
Hey, Pam. Guess I'm one of those posters who jumped off the rollercoaster, huh? Actually, I have not closed the door to a R sometime in the future -- I am just saying I won't have an R with him while OW is in the picture, and if he is not getting treatment for his sex compulsion. Maybe it's a blurry boundary, but that's what I'm doing.
It does stink when you act as if they are the same guy you once knew and they specifically show you how wrong that assumption is... they are changed, they don't seem to care, they are in their own fantasy.
Slowly's advice about having plans on a Friday and/or Saturday night is right on. I went to dinner with a gal pal on Friday night, then golf on Saturday and dinner/movie with another friend that night. Kept me busy and not focused on what my kids were doing, and with whom.
If I lived closer to you, we could have a glass of wine some Saturday night!
The sermon in church today was about sharing your faith with others and it made me think of you. Thanks for your post on my thread the other day, and please know I understand what it took to write it, let alone post it!
You are a great person, Pam, and I hope your H wakes up to that fact sooner than later.
I am hesitant to even post this as I am totally unsure of what this even means.
H just called, he is still in Brazil.
He says he is "coming home."
Says that he is ready to get out of that God forsaken country and that he is tired of living a life of chaos. That he has seen the snowballing effects of his choices and his life of sin.
H also says that he has finally seen me for what I really am, when I asked what that meant he said "you are a good and Godly woman that has stood by me this whole time."
There is more, but this was the gist of the convo, plus about 3 ILY's.
I am not yet jumping up and down since I have seen him come to this realization b4 and then go right back to OW
But this all seems like a step in the right direction.
Aslo, he says that he is going to China next week and wants me to go with, that he is tired of traveling alone. I don't think my coaster ride is slowing down, maybe just going into the stomach dropping turn.
Quote: Aslo, he says that he is going to China next week and wants me to go with, that he is tired of traveling alone.
GO! I made the mistake of letting my H do all his business travelling alone - because it wasn't economical for me to go, who'd watch the kids, he'd be working anyway - big mistake. My Mr. Quality Time extrovert used to get so lonely on those trips. Now I go with him every chance I get, enjoy the pool and gym at the hotel while he works - he just loves having the company.
Hi Pam - I second Ellie's input - GO. Keep the momentum. Make hinm feel that things are different, not just because of what he did, but also because you have grown.
Holding my breadth over here, till he comes back. Slowly
I am still sort of in a state a shock, unsure of what to make of all this.
I don't want to seem jaded, but I have heard him tell before that he was going to break up with OW and it lasted for about 15 minutes. This time he didn't say anything about breaking up with her, just said that he was tired of his life of chaos and was "coming home." He also said that he was going to call and tell me that from the airport as a surprise, but that he didn't want to wait.
As far as the trip to China I am just taking a wait and see attitutude..Mr Spews forth crap is always saying a bunch of stuff and I don't want to get all excited for nothing. Plus I am a wee bit gun shy after my ill fated trip to Las Vegas with him. But if he wants me to go I will def go.
Please don't anyone hold their breath on my account I appreciate the sentiment but I don't want anyone needing CPR on my behalf.
Just keeping thinking positive thoughts and that I can keep saying and doing the right thing when I am faced with dbing in the flesh - something I haven't had a lot of opp. to try recently.
I really do appreciate all of your good thoughts, you gals are the best.
Well this is what I've been praying for and I am just going to trust that I will have what it takes to pull it off. H and I haven't lived under the same roof in 6 months, but with all of his travel in the past 2 years it seems like a lot longer.
If he really is "coming home" I look forward to pieicng together something new and improved. And he may be shocked to find out that while he was gone I got a life. I have plans to met a girlfriend for dinner Friday night that I am not going to cancel just because he has decided to grace us with his presence.
Speaking of girlfriends, I am going to Chicago today with a girlfriend from here and we are meeting my three college girlfriends for shopping and sushi. I have had a sushi craving and it doesn't exist around here unless I take a trip into the city.
I am also thinking that this lunch may be the planning session for what to do/ where to go for my upcoming 40th birthday in January. I vote for somewhere warm and tropical where I can get spa services and a pina colada.
Hey Pam - I'm enjoying reading about your plans for sushi lunch, friday dinner and yes, the 40th birthday celebration plans sound good. I've done the same, not waiting for NG not to do anything, just 'got a life'
You go, girl
Slowly
ps. we are both Dragons, according to Chinese astrology
Actually, I have not closed the door to a R sometime in the future -- I am just saying I won't have an R with him while OW is in the picture, and if he is not getting treatment for his sex compulsion. Maybe it's a blurry boundary, but that's what I'm doing.
