I am indeed feeling "prepared" for H's return, at least as prepared as I can be. I know from experience that when he arrives home from Brazil that he is exhausted both physically and mentally. It is a very long trip and he has been gone over 2 weeks now. He also has some major business streses right now so I am prepared for him to be in a bad humor, but I at least am realizing this upfront and will know not to take it personally.
I have also reached the conclusion that I need to ditch some of my pre-programmed responses. I have become aware of this thanks to S15 who is now repeating some of my responses before I even speak them, just because he knows them so well.
For example, when I tell S15 I am going to the store he knows that the next words out of my mouth are "...I will be back in ____ minutes. Is there anything that you need?"
Now there is some comfort in predictability I know. And I wouldn't want my kids to have a mom that was all over the map so to speak, but there are plenty more examples of these responses and I am sure that a few of them H finds annoying.
When he calls today from the airport in Brazil and aks how I am doing, I am going to reply "fabulous" rather than my typical "fine." When he asks why I am fabulous I will reply "because this guy I used to know is coming in from out of town and I am looking forward to seeing him again."
I think it is the little things that add up sometimes to a 180, it doesn't have to be a big huge explosion.
I also noticed last night when H called he sounded a little "funny" something that only a W would pick up. Kind of a combo of sad, tired, emotional and something I can't quite put my finger on. Sounds like trouble in paradise to me and if all were peachy there then why would he keep telling me that he ws ready to get the h*** out of there?
Slowly, if you are out there I have a question for you. At the end of my last thread you mentioned that you could guarantee that H's wake up call would come soon. Can you clarify for me what you meant by that?
Quote: Slowly, if you are out there I have a question for you. At the end of my last thread you mentioned that you could guarantee that H's wake up call would come soon. Can you clarify for me what you meant by that?
Hey and Slowly, while you are about it, can you guarantee that MY H's wake up call will come - soon? I feel it's long overdue!
I am going to take a leaf out of your book Pam, and when H comes to spend the night here next week I plan to be in a ** FABULOUS ** mood!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I just got back from dinner with MIL, BIL, SIL, SIL, 2 nieces and one nephew plus me and my two.
One big answer to prayer was the gossip monger SIL did not ask me anything about H. I was worried that she was going to try and drill me in front of the boys, and if she had said "how is H?" I was prepared to say "Why don't you ask H?" But it never came up, so I am VERY thankful.
No word yet today from H. I'm hoping that he stuck with his plan to leave Brazil today.
It would be way too much to expect for things to have broken off between him and OW, so I am just hoping that they have further deteriorated.
Does this ever happen to anyone else? I occassionally pop in and read a thread or two in Newcomers, or Affairs. There is always a thread there from someone who has JUST discovered that their spouse is having an A. And they always think that it is over when it is so clear that it is NOT. I am never sure whether to clue them in that this is such a long tedious process that takes years and certainly not weeks.
Months ago I made a ref in my thread to my H going back into the MLC tunnel and someone replied to me "Honey, he has not yet even begun to emerge, much less go back in."
If that was you, then thanks, you were so right and this is a LONG and very STRANGE journey.
What amazes me is that there are so many of us who have decided to hang on to this "long, slow, life-sucking, hellacious rollercoaster ride", and not gotten off on the first curve!
I guess I should have known/expected that it was too good to be true. H will NOT be home today. I don't know that he has ever come home from Brazil when he said that he was going to, his stupid trips there always get extended.
H called last night at 9:40, I was already sleeping in bed, so much for looking like I have a life, in bed early on a Sat night.
The first thing that I asked him was if he was on his way home. The reply, "no, but I wish I was, can I talk to the boys?"
Me "I though that you were leaving today"
H "I have some stuff to finish up, I'll be coming home on Monday."
Me "Will you be home on Monday, or leaving on Monday?"
"H "Leaving on Monday, can I talk to the boys?"
So I blew him a kiss and he blew one back and he told me to take care, then I gave the phone to S12.
Rats, crap, and any other expletive that's not fit to print.
I ended up taking a sleeping pill I was so upset and knew that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.
As I layed there in tears I thought of myself and all my friends here on the bb whose H's were sleeping in the arms of OW last night while we slept alone.
This is messed up, not natural, certainly not fair, and indeed the coaster ride from h***.
I can't think of much else to say, I wanted so bad for him to be out of Brazil and away from OW.
I feel like pain is my constant companion as I keep standing for what I believe in.
I know, hon, its so hard when they are so far away. But, he did say he was "coming home"...you and the boys are still "home" to him...take some comfort in that.
Mine told me once that he didn't think he could even live in the same house we'd lived in for 18 years, because all of a sudden it didn't "feel like home"....what!?
Quote: Slowly, if you are out there I have a question for you. At the end of my last thread you mentioned that you could guarantee that H's wake up call would come soon. Can you clarify for me what you meant by that?
Well, I guess I was relating to my own experience. NG in the begining used to be so conflicted about his feeling for two women, which for him were real. Since then, I have seen his feelings for OW change, from intense to tolerance as she struggled to hold on to him, and finally that email he sent her. I do believe they go through this cycle in their own time, which we cannot control. What we CAN do though is influence their thinking by being a clearly more attractive alternative.
Have you read the perspective of walk aways - I know it helped me a lot a few months ago. Here is the link
Just another thought, Pam. Never be at home on a Saturday night - NG stopped seeing OW in the evenings from the day I went out and did not come home till he called me four times to find out where I was. I never asked him where he was, just did my own thing. Makes them think very hard when the shoe is on the other foot, and you need to give him the opportunity to see what it is like, or else how will he find out? Most importantly, going out with my friends gave ME a lot more confidence. I genuinely felt better, and was able to put the drama relating to NG into better perspective.
Now, promise me you will NEVER ask him again when he is coming home. Make like it does not matter, because there is so much else going on anyways. OK?
Slowly, if you are out there I have a question for you. At the end of my last thread you mentioned that you could guarantee that H's wake up call would come soon. Can you clarify for me what you meant by that?
Does this ever happen to anyone else? I occassionally pop in and read a thread or two in Newcomers, or Affairs. There is always a thread there from someone who has JUST discovered that their spouse is having an A. And they always think that it is over when it is so clear that it is NOT. I am never sure whether to clue them in that this is such a long tedious process that takes years and certainly not weeks. 
